Different Me; or Not?

Less is more ... or so I've been told.
But to what extent? To what degree? In all things, or only in some?

When I sit to down to blog, I always feel that I need to have this long extravagant post frilled with big words and repeated words and large groups of words to get my point across.

Then I read a fellow blogger's post on a something and it is ever so simple... ever so delicate... yet clearly gets the point across.

I also have to sit back and re-evaluate who I am in the real world. I don't want to paint this picture online of who I am not but want to be. No. Rather, I want to be me. So, in the real world, you get me; the girl who attempts to get the point across (and may I add, typically succeeds ... yes friends?? ) with huge run on sentences with an over use of adverbs and adjectives as well as those made up words that I do like to throw in every now and again .. or all the time.

So, while my mind still struggles with wanting to be like others, my heart is quite content with being perfectly me--the woman that God continues to mold and sculpt and shape to mirror His perfect image. <3

Write (and read) on fellow Bloggers (and friends!)!! :D

Just because it is fun!

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 25 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.


 _Take it all_

1. SOMEONE SAYS "ARE YOU OKAY" YOU SAY?
A real fine place to start

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF:
Love you with all my heart

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Love Song

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I do not hook up

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
All Day ~ Hillsong

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
 Already Gone

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Feels Like Tonight

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Roll on eighteen wheeler!

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Inevitable

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Adding to the Noise

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I love you to death

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
 All I ever wanted

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Ready Fuels

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Walk Away

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
More then Life

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Break Free

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Stand (Yey!)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dare you to move

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET IN LIFE?
From the Inside out

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Retrace

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Save You

22. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Yet

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Naive Orleans

24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE
A real fine place to start

25. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Take it all

Your story-- the power in a testimony

I have once again found myself spending a portion of the afternoon searching testimonies on vimeo.com.

There is just something so powerful beyond words that sparks a flame within me. As I have been confiding in people recently, sharing some of my past, some innermost thoughts, desires, feelings, hardships, just where I've been and where I am headed.... there have been moments when I've felt alone. Where I have felt that I am the only person on the face of this planet who feels as I feel, that no one could possibly have done things worse then I've done, that even though I have come to know Jesus my past is still a looming dark cloud over my head. I continue to find these all to be lies of the enemy, yet they are a constant re-occurrence.

Listening, watching, experiencing these testimonies gives me a hope beyond all other hope. It gives me a peace that surpasses all understanding. It encourages me to continue to press onward for Christ and shine the light of Christ wherever I go, whomever I am with!

We can all relate on a certain level with another. We can all learn from another. We all have some kind of impact on at least one other human being in this world.

What is your story? Where have you been? It will touch at least someone. So why wait to share?

Good Times

How honored I am to experience God's hand at work not only in my life, but the lives of those who are near and dear to me.

How blessed I am to have those near and dear to me whom I call friend ... sister ... brother.


I feel so very undeserving to have such beautiful people in my life. I am so blessed and I thank God for you all daily.

So many of these friendships that I have, I hope and pray last a lifetime and beyond. How wonderful it would be to be grandmas together sitting on each other's front porch bragging about our grand babies and beyond. Just those small joys in life.

There are many people in my life that while I don't spend time with on a daily or weekly or even monthly bases, but I still count them among my closest friends.

Life is really good --beyond good-- in the present moment.

For the first 21 years of my life, I never really had any "close friends" or any friends for that matter. Here I am ten months later and I don't have enough fingers and toes to count all the people who are my friend, my sisters and brothers in Christ!

Never would I have ever imagined that I would be where I am today. I am so thankful that God knows exactly what I need and continues to bless me richly.

I am so excited to see what else God will bless me with and to see what else He blesses y'all with! How absolutely privileged I am to be on this walk of life with you all. I love you all so very muchly!!

A hope beyond all understanding ...

The feeling of being pulled to do wrong ... yet knowing what is right.
Those moments of falling flat on the face ... despite the desire to do right.
The guilt of falling prey to sin ... and the realization that the choice was made to do wrong over what was right. 
The hope and peace and joy of knowing that Jesus came and conquered, and by this, made right with God.  


Just going thru the motions yet again .... letting life sink in, in the present moment. sigh. 

My thoughts on it....

John 8: 1 But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11 "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." 12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Why do we get so caught up in pointing out what another had done wrong? Why do we let pride control us? Why are we in denial about someone else's sin because it brings disgrace to us. Why are we so focused on labeling one sin so much greater then another?  Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.    3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. We all sin. We all fall short of the glory of God. Yet I feel that sometime we get caught up in other people's mistakes and cannot see past what they have done to offend God, mess up their life, mess up the life of another, and the list goes on and on.  Yet God uses everything. I had been living in a very depressed world because of many of the "mistakes" in my past. I could not fathom how God could forgive me for offending Him so much, so often, so willingly. It dawned on me recently how these past "skeletons in the closet" are helping me relate to people on a day to day basis. It is because of where I have been and thru the amazing grace of God that I am to the point where I can welcome sinners with open arms and share with them the love and mercy of God. God has forgiven me... do I really think I am that much better then HIM to not forgive my fallen brother or sister although, if compared, their sin might be more "wrong" then mine? But in whose eyes? We all look at the world thru tinted glasses. It is only thru the power of God that we are granted those moments of clarity and can act in perfect accordance with the most holy will of God!  We are soldiers of Christ! Using a human analogy.... so we are all soldiers in war. We are all fighting this raging enemy that will not give up... will no surrender. So we fight and fight and fight. Some days are herder then others. Some days there are more injuries then others. Bullets and fires and grenades are a daily ocurance. One of your closest friends gets injured. Shot. Bleeding. Laying there dying. Or maybe it is even someone you don't know... Would you go over there and at least comfort him? Try to save him?  So here we are in a world where there is a constant attack from satan. His army is strong. He prowls about like a lion..seeking to kill. Someone walks into one of his traps. He sneaks upon someone and wounds them. Are we just going to sit on the sidelines and watch our dear brother or sister lay there dying? Are we going to say "well, they just should have stayed out of the range of fire." Are we going to talk behind their back thinking that we are free from injury?? I certainly pray that that would not be me. I hope and pray that I rush to the one(s) who are injured and try to save them. In the physical world and the spiritual world. I pray we don't fall prey to the enemy and say "well if they did that, then I can do that too!" That can be compared to the battle/war scene. If your friend were lying there bleeding and dying would you try to save them.. or would you shoot yourself and join them on the ground bleeding to death as well? My point exactly.  I am saddened by watching some of those who are closest to me just walk thru life just barely alive because no one takes the time to offer nourishment... first aid! So many of us think that we have it all together that we don't need help. There is a pride that closes the ears to hearing truth. There is a closed heart that is unwilling to change.  This not pointed at anyone in particular, please note. It is just something that I've been observing and after recent events, I have felt compelled to share this. As always, this post reflects only the thoughts and feelings of me. By no means am I perfect. I strive to imitate Christ but fail on so many levels time and time again. But how much peace it brings with the knowledge that Christ died to free me from those bonds! The blood of Christ has washed me free! God knows my heart. He knows when I am genuinely striving to imitate Him. He knows when it is real. He knows when it is fake. So please, I ask that when one sees me doing, saying, acting in any way contrary to what pleases God ... please call me out on it. A little humility is never a bad thing. If anything, it does wonders for the spiritual life! Romans 6:1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

Life in the Present Moment..

Wow. Where to start. Life just seems like one giant lump of stress at the moment.



Is there ever a point in one's life when the desire to seek God becomes too strong? I cannot fathom that God intended the quest for truth to be this complicated and riddled with so many trials and hardships and stresses and burdens. But then sin entered the world.

Sigh. As life continues on, everything just seems so much more complicated. Everything just seems to all come at once.

Reaching out to people and talking is a battle in and of itself. I observe people and they appear to have it all together all the time. Yet here I am, feeling as though I am back to square one where words are impossible and emotions and feelings and thoughts are only expressed with tears. Or just held inside. I want to talk. I long to talk. Talking and getting different insight always helps.

In a funk again. At a point in life where everything is spinning and either way could be up or down. I said to someone earlier "I have checked out mentally." Like seriously. My life consists of going thru the motions without any feelings or emotions or thoughts. I keep telling myself and others "I cannot wait for the semester to end!" And yes, the end of the semester will be amazing because then I will have much more free time for God. Now, as long as I make sure to use the extra time for Him!

I literally cried out to God tonight telling Him that I was ready to give up. I feel as though a loosing battle is being fought. I feel so very alone in this walk of life. I realize that God is always with me. Yet on a daily basis it feels as though I am sinking in the "to do" lists of life. I no longer want to be bogged down by the things of this world. "Be in the world but not of it." Hm. I've heard that one used plenty of times, but never put much thought into it.

So many people have been and continue to be such an incredible inspiration in my life. I want them to know this. Yet at the same time I don't say anything because I fear I am being a nuisance or bothering them or being too clingy or stalkerish. So then I don't say anything and I feel awkward even carrying on a normal conversation. Then again, having a surface-level conversation has never been my thing. I am much more comfortable in deep, theological, Christ-filled conversations.

Relating to people has been another constant struggle. I am my worst critic. I judge myself way too harshly. I hate conformity. I want to be me. And so many people have accepted me for me. Yet when I get in my "internal debates" or "quests for the truth" I crawl back into my own little world, again having a heck of a time opening up and sharing what is going on within me to the world....

So, here I am, sleep deprived and confused and just once again having this floating feeling. And while tonight I have peace with the realization of who God is, I really don't know how to move forward.

Until next time,
My the Peace of Christ be with you forever and always.