To write nonstop would be ideal. With everything rushing through my mind, sharing everything that inspires me, that motivates me, that makes me whom I am would be such a blessing. But that is not ideal. Certainly I cannot write at all times. To do that I would ultimately miss out on the small, yet more important, aspects of life. Also, not everyone thinks and comprehends as I do. Everyone has their own learning style, their own course of action to achieve their desired results. So even if I spent all day, all night writing and writing, it would only reach out and help a small portion of the population. Needless to say, God is ultimately the only One who can reach out and touch everyone at once. We are all so small in that comparison!
One of my many realizations:
After I had finished eating lunch with my cousin, when I went to leave, the main road behind me was closed off. After seeking an alternate route, I ended up at school, my ultimate destination. I quickly learned that the road was being blocked off for Betty Ford's funeral procession. Supposedly, it stated at 1, but by now it was 1:20. Since I had not seen anything on my way to school, I thought maybe it was delayed. I had the notion to watch it go by, but by the time I had learned about it and made the decision to see it, I was already too late. Then I got to thinking ... and then thanking God that He does not work that way! What if God only had certain times He called us to Him? What if we decided that we were going to live our life for God, only to show up and realize that we missed Him by a sheer 5 minutes. No, we are so very blessed that God is here. Here all the time. He is always calling our name. Always waiting for us to find Him, to return to Him, to take comfort and refuge in Him.
God is infinite. He has no clocks, no time lines, no deadlines or anything of the such. He always was, is and will be. We can be sure that when we call on God, we will get Him directly. No worries of answering machines or phone trees. No call waiting, no being put on hold. We call, we get God. Could we possibly ask for anything more??
I was talking with a friend yesterday, and telling her how I have stopped asking God for exact things; I now ask "for what I need." It is amazing how things come into my life that I never would have imagined asking for, yet can hardly imagine living without now that they are there. Have you ever had one (or several) of those moments where you get exactly as you asked for? Only to realize a short time later that you are more miserable then before you received? Amazing how God truly does know best!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Slowing down and seeing the small things
How true is it, that we pass through the day, overlooking small, or in some cases, large things because we don't think that it is our obligation to do them? I know that I do it at times! How blessed, or cursed, we are that despite this obliviousness, the wold still moves on . . .
Lately, this short story that I grew up with has been coming to mind. I remember it was on a little sheet of paper, probably no bigger then 3inch by 4 inch and it was on the bulletin board and had countless thumbtack holes around the border.
"This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done."
Apply this to finding a relationship with God and Jesus ... Imagine God standing there with all of His graces, just waiting to pour them upon those who stop and find Him. The graces are for Anybody and Everybody. Nobody stops to even notice what they are passing up. They believe that Somebody else will get to it when they feel like it.
The world we live in is so fast paced and almost no one stops even for a moment to pause and live in the moment. I have been blessed to recognize that I was living life in the fast lane and letting time slip away faster then I wished. I always thought I had places to be, people to see and was constantly on the go! I would get in my car and speed down the highway or backroads in an attempt to get where I needed to be faster! Oh how many things I missed along the way! Now, I have slowed down incredibly. I have gone back to going 65-70mph on the highway. Tonight, what a beautiful realization when I looked up at the sky on my drive home, and for once in a long time, actually saw, took in, was in complete awe of the magnificent cloudy, yet starlit sky!
I have been meeting wonderful people and getting together with them regularly. To have this blessing of friendship has no words to describe it. There is such a peace in knowing these people. There is no longing to be "the best friend." I am for once comfortable sharing. I love hearing them talk about their other friends, and the good times they have together. I realize that when I am me, I am loved for me. We all have different qualities that we offer each other. I offer something different and unique to our friendship. With all of the people I am meeting, I am clearly liked for being me! Aspiring to by myself has been one of my best realizations and blessings! I want to be accepted for me, just as much as I want to accept my friends just as they are.
Every step I take is illuminated by the light of God with His graces. What more could I possibly need?
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank You for yet another wonderful day. You have been such a beacon of light shining ever so bright, protecting me from going astray. I follow Your truths, O Lord. I want to live my life right in Your eyes. I want to live a holy and pleasing life according to Your laws. I was lost, but now I am found. When I thought You were the farthest, You stood by my side, picking up my hand and bringing me back to You. You have welcomed me home again. You are a God of mercy, a God of love. You have given me such joy! Joy in the places I've been, joy in the people I have met, joy in the relationships I am not forming! You are my rock! My foundation! Upon You will I build everything! Please continue to enrich my life with all of Your wonders! You ultimately know what is best for me, and even without my asking, You give and give and give! I receive with open arms! I pray for all of my family and my friends, past, present and future. I pray for those less fortunate then me, that they find You, O Lord, and ask for their lives to be enriched to the fullest! For all those people that often get unrightfully overlooked, scorned, judged, rejected, labeled, stereotyped, condemned, hurt, belittled, and the such, please shower them with extra blessings tonight. All this I ask through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. Amen.
Lately, this short story that I grew up with has been coming to mind. I remember it was on a little sheet of paper, probably no bigger then 3inch by 4 inch and it was on the bulletin board and had countless thumbtack holes around the border.
"This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done."
Apply this to finding a relationship with God and Jesus ... Imagine God standing there with all of His graces, just waiting to pour them upon those who stop and find Him. The graces are for Anybody and Everybody. Nobody stops to even notice what they are passing up. They believe that Somebody else will get to it when they feel like it.
The world we live in is so fast paced and almost no one stops even for a moment to pause and live in the moment. I have been blessed to recognize that I was living life in the fast lane and letting time slip away faster then I wished. I always thought I had places to be, people to see and was constantly on the go! I would get in my car and speed down the highway or backroads in an attempt to get where I needed to be faster! Oh how many things I missed along the way! Now, I have slowed down incredibly. I have gone back to going 65-70mph on the highway. Tonight, what a beautiful realization when I looked up at the sky on my drive home, and for once in a long time, actually saw, took in, was in complete awe of the magnificent cloudy, yet starlit sky!
I have been meeting wonderful people and getting together with them regularly. To have this blessing of friendship has no words to describe it. There is such a peace in knowing these people. There is no longing to be "the best friend." I am for once comfortable sharing. I love hearing them talk about their other friends, and the good times they have together. I realize that when I am me, I am loved for me. We all have different qualities that we offer each other. I offer something different and unique to our friendship. With all of the people I am meeting, I am clearly liked for being me! Aspiring to by myself has been one of my best realizations and blessings! I want to be accepted for me, just as much as I want to accept my friends just as they are.
Every step I take is illuminated by the light of God with His graces. What more could I possibly need?
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank You for yet another wonderful day. You have been such a beacon of light shining ever so bright, protecting me from going astray. I follow Your truths, O Lord. I want to live my life right in Your eyes. I want to live a holy and pleasing life according to Your laws. I was lost, but now I am found. When I thought You were the farthest, You stood by my side, picking up my hand and bringing me back to You. You have welcomed me home again. You are a God of mercy, a God of love. You have given me such joy! Joy in the places I've been, joy in the people I have met, joy in the relationships I am not forming! You are my rock! My foundation! Upon You will I build everything! Please continue to enrich my life with all of Your wonders! You ultimately know what is best for me, and even without my asking, You give and give and give! I receive with open arms! I pray for all of my family and my friends, past, present and future. I pray for those less fortunate then me, that they find You, O Lord, and ask for their lives to be enriched to the fullest! For all those people that often get unrightfully overlooked, scorned, judged, rejected, labeled, stereotyped, condemned, hurt, belittled, and the such, please shower them with extra blessings tonight. All this I ask through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. Amen.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
... and that is why it is called .... "The Present"
I have stopped "telling" God what I need. When I ask God for anything, I always ask Him to bless me with the graces I need to get through the day. No more long lists of what *I think* I need. God ultimately knows what I need to get though each and every moment, and He has blessed me beyond measure with so much more then I ever could have asked for! He is certainly a God of plenty!
I have been experiencing such peace since I accepted God back into my life. For a little while I was expecting it to be such short term, but it is obviously real seeing that it is lasting! How could I deny God? Who am I to even think for a moment that *I* could be blessing myself in such ways? I am certainly not! I have "let go, and let God" take over my life, and it is an amazing feeling!!
Today was picnic day! I only remember ever being on one picnic in the past, and that was just a month ago! So thankful for small blessings! All I had to bring was cheesecake, water, and (makeshift) picnic blankets! Oh how I love sitting on blankets in the grass! And the weather was the most "poifect" picnic weather! Sun was shining, a cool breeze, low humidity! Oh how good is our God! <3
Trying to find the park appeared to be a task in and of itself. My GPS was trying to get me there, but I questioned it all the way ... "Is there seriously a park almost right behind meijer?" Well, sure enough there was. Well, to the east a little and through a cute little neighborhood and such, but there it was! Tucked back in the middle of, so it seemed, no where! So peaceful and quiet and perfect! God certainly had a hand in picking that place for us! So I spread out the blanket and we sat down and talked for a little bit before I was ready to dig into the delicious wraps! After a couple hours, it was time to dig into that cheesecake. Haha, the "fork fight" we had when I tried to eat more then my share (Though I did manage to get a little more of the crust ... hehehe).
Despite having 4 bottles of sunscreen ... do you think I would take the time to slather it on all over me? I had already put enough on my face and neck and shoulders, thinking I would put more on later. Yea right. When you are with that good of company, sitting under the shade of a beautiful tree, the last thing on the mind is "oh, I need more sunscreen." I joked about "getting more color on my legs." Well, color on my legs indeed. The color of a bright red cherry. So now my best friend is aloe vera. haha.
We ended the afternoon with going on the swings!
So many laughs, so many memories made, good conversations, getting to know more about each other, much learning, a growing closer to God; today was certainly a gift! I certainly look forward to more good days ahead! I won't say "like today" because today was special, and not every time is going to be the same. I do look forward to what the future holds and what plans God is currently working on and slowly revealing to me! I am so thankful for today, thankful for the company, the food, the time, everything that made today possible. Amen.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A Struggle with Honesty
Tonight, Vienna Teng's song The Tower comes to mind (Lyrics posted at the bottom). While what I write does not directly tie into the song, those who know me the most can see where I am coming from. <3
When is honesty too much? When does one know to trust? Who does one trust to be brutally honest with? Lately I feel as though I am living with four walls up and surrounding me; not daring to say what has been going on, not daring to be honest -- with others. Does that mean I am lying to myself too? It seems hard to trust people because they are so set in their ways that when *I* am going through change, they aim to steer me down their way, their path, down what has supposedly been working for them. They compare me to other people, they judge other people, saying they are "wrong." They say that "others are guiding my journey." No, ultimately I am following my heart, following where God is guiding me, where I feel He is guiding my heart! I am in an exploratory stage and the harder one pushes me to follow their journey, the harder I push back. Not that I mean to, not that I want to. I sometimes wish that I was in set in my ways as others, but I also know that I will get there one day.
For me to say that God is a part of my life now, is an incredible thing! Many people don't know my past, and now that I have found God again, and have been searching to develop my own relationship with Him, I have faced criticism from several people saying that I am wrong. I am not asking people to understand. I really don't even know if I am looking for acceptance, per say. I am not aiming to be "right" in the eyes of the world. I just want to be right with God!
It seems that no matter where I turn, someone is always judging me, telling me what I *need to* or *should* do. Just because something works for someone, does not mean that it is going to work for me. There is a huge percentage that what works for one is not going to work for me. One cannot force me to do something. Yea, one can push and push and push and I might get it intellectually, but it ultimately comes down to my heart -- when my heart is ready to hear and accept it.
After the journey I have been on the past year, I am ever so thankful for me to say that God is steering my life. I turn to Him in all things. That is not to say that I always do as He wants, but I do strive to follow His Will! I am human, after all -- certainly no excuse to be presumptuous though!
Now I feel as though I am rambling . . .
There has been so much joy in my life! So much to the point I would be foolish to to deny God's existence! Then the devil comes in and tries to steal that joy and causes much questioning and struggle!
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!!" has been ever present on my lips! For the name of the Lord makes the devil flee. <3 How awesome is that!?!
The walls need to come down. Yet there is much fear of rejection and criticism. Despite one trying to verbally persuade me, I know myself enough to know that that does not work. And why does there need to be persuasion? I know that God is in my life! No one and nothing brings as much joy, peace and happiness that I have been experiencing but the Lord!
As always, I continue to pray. I am in the midst of a 54 day rosary novena, and I almost always have my Bible by my side!
Another day has come and gone, and today I thank God for such wonderful blessings! Through Him all things are possible. Because of Him I have been so abundantly blessed! He has been so good to me, even on my darkest of days! It is because of these amazing moments that keep me going forward! Amen!
*And on a side note, my first day volunteering in the Nursery went absolutely amazing!! The teacher said that I am a natural! I have always had a genuine love for children, and today that was clearly evident! There were only 4 children, but they are so beautiful! Such sweethearts! I am looking forward to doing it again!
The Tower -- Vienna Teng
the one who survives by making the lives
of others worthwhile
she's coming apart
right before my eyes
the one who depends on the services she renders
to those who come knocking
she's seeing too clearly what she can't be
what understanding defies
she says I need not to need
or else a love with intuition
someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
but now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
she turns out the light anticipating night falling
tenderly around her
and watches the dusk
the words won't come
she carries the act so convincingly the fact is
sometimes she believes it
that she can be happy the way things are
be happy with the things she's done
reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can change me
where is the one
the one
the one
reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can save me
where is the one
the one
the one
When is honesty too much? When does one know to trust? Who does one trust to be brutally honest with? Lately I feel as though I am living with four walls up and surrounding me; not daring to say what has been going on, not daring to be honest -- with others. Does that mean I am lying to myself too? It seems hard to trust people because they are so set in their ways that when *I* am going through change, they aim to steer me down their way, their path, down what has supposedly been working for them. They compare me to other people, they judge other people, saying they are "wrong." They say that "others are guiding my journey." No, ultimately I am following my heart, following where God is guiding me, where I feel He is guiding my heart! I am in an exploratory stage and the harder one pushes me to follow their journey, the harder I push back. Not that I mean to, not that I want to. I sometimes wish that I was in set in my ways as others, but I also know that I will get there one day.
For me to say that God is a part of my life now, is an incredible thing! Many people don't know my past, and now that I have found God again, and have been searching to develop my own relationship with Him, I have faced criticism from several people saying that I am wrong. I am not asking people to understand. I really don't even know if I am looking for acceptance, per say. I am not aiming to be "right" in the eyes of the world. I just want to be right with God!
It seems that no matter where I turn, someone is always judging me, telling me what I *need to* or *should* do. Just because something works for someone, does not mean that it is going to work for me. There is a huge percentage that what works for one is not going to work for me. One cannot force me to do something. Yea, one can push and push and push and I might get it intellectually, but it ultimately comes down to my heart -- when my heart is ready to hear and accept it.
After the journey I have been on the past year, I am ever so thankful for me to say that God is steering my life. I turn to Him in all things. That is not to say that I always do as He wants, but I do strive to follow His Will! I am human, after all -- certainly no excuse to be presumptuous though!
Now I feel as though I am rambling . . .
There has been so much joy in my life! So much to the point I would be foolish to to deny God's existence! Then the devil comes in and tries to steal that joy and causes much questioning and struggle!
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!!" has been ever present on my lips! For the name of the Lord makes the devil flee. <3 How awesome is that!?!
The walls need to come down. Yet there is much fear of rejection and criticism. Despite one trying to verbally persuade me, I know myself enough to know that that does not work. And why does there need to be persuasion? I know that God is in my life! No one and nothing brings as much joy, peace and happiness that I have been experiencing but the Lord!
As always, I continue to pray. I am in the midst of a 54 day rosary novena, and I almost always have my Bible by my side!
Another day has come and gone, and today I thank God for such wonderful blessings! Through Him all things are possible. Because of Him I have been so abundantly blessed! He has been so good to me, even on my darkest of days! It is because of these amazing moments that keep me going forward! Amen!
*And on a side note, my first day volunteering in the Nursery went absolutely amazing!! The teacher said that I am a natural! I have always had a genuine love for children, and today that was clearly evident! There were only 4 children, but they are so beautiful! Such sweethearts! I am looking forward to doing it again!
The Tower -- Vienna Teng
the one who survives by making the lives
of others worthwhile
she's coming apart
right before my eyes
the one who depends on the services she renders
to those who come knocking
she's seeing too clearly what she can't be
what understanding defies
she says I need not to need
or else a love with intuition
someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
but now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow
she turns out the light anticipating night falling
tenderly around her
and watches the dusk
the words won't come
she carries the act so convincingly the fact is
sometimes she believes it
that she can be happy the way things are
be happy with the things she's done
reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can change me
where is the one
the one
the one
reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can save me
where is the one
the one
the one
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Another day ...
Another day is coming to a close.
How absolutely blessed I am! Today I went to Division Street Fellowship and helped hand out food and clothing to the homeless. What a blessing that was! Such an amazing feeling of being a blessing to others, without expecting anything in return! Despite the day being over 87 degrees and somewhat of an air conditioned building, several fans running, no one there that I really knew, I am so thankful for that opportunity! It is certainly something that I see myself doing more in the future, God Willing. Seeing the smiles on some of the peoples faces what priceless. There were very few people who verbally expressed their appreciation. Even if the people were ungrateful and no one thanked us, I still would have walked out of there with a smile on my face knowing that my day was pleasing to God, and that I reached out and made a difference in someone's life.
One of the other volunteers shared a part of his life story with me, as well. He has such an amazing faith in God! Despite what he went through many years ago, he is an incredible man of God! I am excited to see how God works in my life, so in years from now I can look back upon it and share it with others and maybe, hopefully inspire them! Even now, I have many stories to share that have made me whom I am today!
The past day or two have had their fair share of struggles. First and foremost, I am ever so thankful that God Himself is in my life. Every day I am reminded of His presence, and realize just how blessed I am. Secondly, I am ever so thankful that God has put such amazing people in my life to guide, encourage, and inspire me. Even those that challenge me and question me. Life is a learning experience, and God is ever by my side.
Please pray for me as I begin my journey tomorrow morning volunteering with the 2 year olds in the Nursery!
How absolutely blessed I am! Today I went to Division Street Fellowship and helped hand out food and clothing to the homeless. What a blessing that was! Such an amazing feeling of being a blessing to others, without expecting anything in return! Despite the day being over 87 degrees and somewhat of an air conditioned building, several fans running, no one there that I really knew, I am so thankful for that opportunity! It is certainly something that I see myself doing more in the future, God Willing. Seeing the smiles on some of the peoples faces what priceless. There were very few people who verbally expressed their appreciation. Even if the people were ungrateful and no one thanked us, I still would have walked out of there with a smile on my face knowing that my day was pleasing to God, and that I reached out and made a difference in someone's life.
One of the other volunteers shared a part of his life story with me, as well. He has such an amazing faith in God! Despite what he went through many years ago, he is an incredible man of God! I am excited to see how God works in my life, so in years from now I can look back upon it and share it with others and maybe, hopefully inspire them! Even now, I have many stories to share that have made me whom I am today!
The past day or two have had their fair share of struggles. First and foremost, I am ever so thankful that God Himself is in my life. Every day I am reminded of His presence, and realize just how blessed I am. Secondly, I am ever so thankful that God has put such amazing people in my life to guide, encourage, and inspire me. Even those that challenge me and question me. Life is a learning experience, and God is ever by my side.
Please pray for me as I begin my journey tomorrow morning volunteering with the 2 year olds in the Nursery!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Those moments of complete "wowness!"
The past week has been absolutely, amazingly wonderful. Those small things in life that are often overlooked, even by my own self, are truly being appreciated, even if it takes days to recognize it.
From the 3rd shift nursing assistant staying an extra 30 minutes talking to me, to going to the lake and having a lovely conversation with a 7 year old, to friends making dinner, to a friend of a friend giving up her bed to sleep in the tent thus allowing me to spend the night, to going back up north to spend the afternoon and evening with my sisters, to going shopping with my older sister, to going to a fourth of July party and meeting new people (even when the night is spent mostly talking to one person), to sleeping in Tuesday morning, to seeing I got a great grade on my math test, to going out Tuesday night with a friend, to being invited to hand out food and clothing to the homeless this weekend, to making dinner for another friend and spending the e n t i r e evening talking! Oh, my life is so abundantly blessed!!
I don't really even know where to go from here! My week has been hectic, but as I look back on it, God certainly had a huge hand in the way it panned out! I work with such wonderful people. Granted, I only get to see them at change of shift, the Friday night aide and I get along so well. Typically she comes in after me, and I stick around talking with her. Even when the roles we reversed, and I came in at 7, she stayed until nearly 7:30. We were just talking and talking. She, too, has inspired me to stay on my journey in search of developing my relationship with God.
It had been in the works to head to the beach after I got out at 3 on Saturday. Despite the getting less then 5 hours of sleep in between working 16 hours, I went to Holland and had a great time with my friends, and friends of friends and the children! I was planning on coming home late Saturday night, until it was decided that I could have one of the beds in the house. Wow. One of those little (or big) blessings! So I ended up staying the night and heading out mid Sunday morning.
Later Sunday afternoon, I went to meet my sisters to go to the small town carnival. We had such a blast! We kept rotating who we would ride with, and it worked out beautifully. We took a small dinner break, then went back to ride the rides at night! Oh how fun! Didn't get home until close to midnight! Then work Monday morning! On Sunday my sister and I decided that she we would go shopping together on Monday, so I could get something red to finish my red, white and blue outfit. It has been awhile since my sister and I have done anything together, but I appreciate every moment we have together. With both of us and our busy lives, it is great when we can coordinate time together!
So after shopping, I came home and fell asleep for two hours. Obviously sleep deprived! Woke up an got ready to head to the 4th of July party! It was great. Saw familiar faces as well as a few new ones. Sat out back chilling, snapping picture of everything and everyone. Then we headed downtown! What a blast! There was a large group of us, yet we managed to get all split up. Good times. Stood at rosa parks circle for a bit, even learning how to swing dance a little. Such fun! Then it was time to get a spot to watch the fireworks. What a complete zoo! People everywhere, no place to walk, sit, stand, move! But we got a decent place on pearl street bridge. Though I was quite certain I would be falling over, I manged to stay standing up. The fireworks display was brilliant! Some of my pictures actually turned out quite decently! Then we headed back. I waited 45 minutes before heading back home, and even then the traffic was quite hectic! Took backroads over half way home to avoid the craziness! But made it home in one piece. Then slept until nearly 11 the next morning! Had the sun not gotten me up at 6a, it would have been a decent 11 hours of sleep, that was desperately needed! But alas, I try again tonight.
Tuesday night ... oh what to say about Tuesday night. I was something else, that is for sure! I understood the math lesson, best I could, yet the prof. kept going over and over and over it. I was okay with that, had I only been able to practice the problems and then have him explain again. The quiz seemed to go well, so at least it appears I understand the material as much as I think I do. The final is going to be fun. I should probably start studying now! Afterwards, got together with another friend and we enjoyed our evening!
I was going to meet a friend downtown this afternoon after I got off work. God certainly had a hand in the planning of this, and that is certainly n o t what He had in mind for us! She ended up coming to my house and I made us dinner. We held down the front porch for awhile just talking and talking and talking. This is the first girl close to my own age that I have sat down with and connected with this well. Such an amazing person. Helped put things into perspective, using analogies that my mind could grasp. Things that I've been struggling with were suddenly made clearer. The things that I've been fighting were realized to be wonderful blessings that need no fighting. God is here with me, pouring His unconditional love upon me. I am His daughter, and He is forever watching me and guiding me. I realize I am not perfect. I realize that God is there lighting my way. For that I am truly grateful.
I am ever so thankful to have been introduced to wonderful, Godly people. You all have been an inspiration in the just the short time I've known you. You have welcomed me with open arms, inspiring me to be myself and seek my own relationship with God. Only God knows where my journey will take me, but as for now, I am content with where I am. Today was the first time I have actually gotten down on my knees and thanked God for being in my life, for being there despite me putting Him second for the time I did. The past 3 weeks have been such an eye-opener, and I pray that I continue to grow in God's grace. Before, while I noticed the "little things," now I actually appreciate them more and thank God for them; for they all serve a purpose! Words cannot fully express my feelings! They can pretty much be summed up with the statement: God Bless All of You!
From the 3rd shift nursing assistant staying an extra 30 minutes talking to me, to going to the lake and having a lovely conversation with a 7 year old, to friends making dinner, to a friend of a friend giving up her bed to sleep in the tent thus allowing me to spend the night, to going back up north to spend the afternoon and evening with my sisters, to going shopping with my older sister, to going to a fourth of July party and meeting new people (even when the night is spent mostly talking to one person), to sleeping in Tuesday morning, to seeing I got a great grade on my math test, to going out Tuesday night with a friend, to being invited to hand out food and clothing to the homeless this weekend, to making dinner for another friend and spending the e n t i r e evening talking! Oh, my life is so abundantly blessed!!
I don't really even know where to go from here! My week has been hectic, but as I look back on it, God certainly had a huge hand in the way it panned out! I work with such wonderful people. Granted, I only get to see them at change of shift, the Friday night aide and I get along so well. Typically she comes in after me, and I stick around talking with her. Even when the roles we reversed, and I came in at 7, she stayed until nearly 7:30. We were just talking and talking. She, too, has inspired me to stay on my journey in search of developing my relationship with God.
It had been in the works to head to the beach after I got out at 3 on Saturday. Despite the getting less then 5 hours of sleep in between working 16 hours, I went to Holland and had a great time with my friends, and friends of friends and the children! I was planning on coming home late Saturday night, until it was decided that I could have one of the beds in the house. Wow. One of those little (or big) blessings! So I ended up staying the night and heading out mid Sunday morning.
Later Sunday afternoon, I went to meet my sisters to go to the small town carnival. We had such a blast! We kept rotating who we would ride with, and it worked out beautifully. We took a small dinner break, then went back to ride the rides at night! Oh how fun! Didn't get home until close to midnight! Then work Monday morning! On Sunday my sister and I decided that she we would go shopping together on Monday, so I could get something red to finish my red, white and blue outfit. It has been awhile since my sister and I have done anything together, but I appreciate every moment we have together. With both of us and our busy lives, it is great when we can coordinate time together!
So after shopping, I came home and fell asleep for two hours. Obviously sleep deprived! Woke up an got ready to head to the 4th of July party! It was great. Saw familiar faces as well as a few new ones. Sat out back chilling, snapping picture of everything and everyone. Then we headed downtown! What a blast! There was a large group of us, yet we managed to get all split up. Good times. Stood at rosa parks circle for a bit, even learning how to swing dance a little. Such fun! Then it was time to get a spot to watch the fireworks. What a complete zoo! People everywhere, no place to walk, sit, stand, move! But we got a decent place on pearl street bridge. Though I was quite certain I would be falling over, I manged to stay standing up. The fireworks display was brilliant! Some of my pictures actually turned out quite decently! Then we headed back. I waited 45 minutes before heading back home, and even then the traffic was quite hectic! Took backroads over half way home to avoid the craziness! But made it home in one piece. Then slept until nearly 11 the next morning! Had the sun not gotten me up at 6a, it would have been a decent 11 hours of sleep, that was desperately needed! But alas, I try again tonight.
Tuesday night ... oh what to say about Tuesday night. I was something else, that is for sure! I understood the math lesson, best I could, yet the prof. kept going over and over and over it. I was okay with that, had I only been able to practice the problems and then have him explain again. The quiz seemed to go well, so at least it appears I understand the material as much as I think I do. The final is going to be fun. I should probably start studying now! Afterwards, got together with another friend and we enjoyed our evening!
I was going to meet a friend downtown this afternoon after I got off work. God certainly had a hand in the planning of this, and that is certainly n o t what He had in mind for us! She ended up coming to my house and I made us dinner. We held down the front porch for awhile just talking and talking and talking. This is the first girl close to my own age that I have sat down with and connected with this well. Such an amazing person. Helped put things into perspective, using analogies that my mind could grasp. Things that I've been struggling with were suddenly made clearer. The things that I've been fighting were realized to be wonderful blessings that need no fighting. God is here with me, pouring His unconditional love upon me. I am His daughter, and He is forever watching me and guiding me. I realize I am not perfect. I realize that God is there lighting my way. For that I am truly grateful.
I am ever so thankful to have been introduced to wonderful, Godly people. You all have been an inspiration in the just the short time I've known you. You have welcomed me with open arms, inspiring me to be myself and seek my own relationship with God. Only God knows where my journey will take me, but as for now, I am content with where I am. Today was the first time I have actually gotten down on my knees and thanked God for being in my life, for being there despite me putting Him second for the time I did. The past 3 weeks have been such an eye-opener, and I pray that I continue to grow in God's grace. Before, while I noticed the "little things," now I actually appreciate them more and thank God for them; for they all serve a purpose! Words cannot fully express my feelings! They can pretty much be summed up with the statement: God Bless All of You!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Blessed to be Blessed
Despite the feelings that sometimes God is so far away from me, there are so many signs that He is ever present, always by my side. There appear to be opposite extremes. One moment, I would proclaim from the mountaintops that God is here, then in the next minute, I myself question where He went, and was He ever there? The Bible says that Jesus is with us when we feel as though he is the farthest away. I have to have that faith and trust. My head gets it and understands it. My head gets many things. It is the heart that struggles so much.
It is in those moments of doubt, when God shows Himself to me so wonderfully. It is without any doubt that I can honestly, wholeheartedly say that God is here, always by my side. Just these short moments are so wonderful, so joyous! But when they are over, the feeling goes with it. I want that joyous, light hearted, knowing feeling of God in my life. I need to keep pursuing God.
I have been so incredibly blessed to be welcomed into a community that accepts me for me and encourages me to strive to have a relationship with God and Jesus. Last night, I had the privilege of sitting down with a special lady and was allowed to just talk and talk and talk. She sat there, actually listening, and despite my constant interruptions, she continued to listen to and talk with me. At the end, she prayed. I’ve never had anyone pray for me like that. It is always a “I will pray for you” *walks away* After that, I went down to the bonfire. Who would have thought that something as simple as roasting a marshmallow would mean so much to someone? At the bonfire, another wonderful person I met offered to roast my marshmallow for me. I gratefully accepted her offer, and although I showed up to the bonfire well after I was anticipating, she still had my marshmallow for me. My night finally ended with being asked if I would like to attend a 4th of July party. Although I have only been a part of this community for 3 weeks, I have been welcomed more then I ever could have imagined! God is guiding me down this path. I have no idea where it is leading, but it is all good. God is waiting for me. My heart is open to whatever course He has laid out for me.
Thank you all who have been encouraging me and have been there welcoming me and supporting me on this journey I am on. You all know who you are. God Bless You All!
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