Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

How is it that Christmas is three weeks away! 2016 only has four weeks left.

Sometimes it feels as though life passes by too quickly while at other times it feels like it can't pass fast enough.

An online study that I am part of had a great idea: everytime you see christmas lights, offer a prayer of thanksgiving. One thing I learned the most through that is to be thankful for the present moment.

Over time, I am slowly learning to love the moments of anticipation. Kind of like the quote about it being the adventure isn't the destination, but rather the journey to get there.

So in anticipation of the Christmas season that is upon us, I made dozens of Christmas cookies today! I went hiking with a friend and the last mile back we walked through the accumulating snow. It was gorgeous!

I have close to 80 Christmas cards going out in the mail this upcoming week!

Most of my Christmas shopping is done, I just have to make a few things. Then there are a few things that I have to purchase yet.

I am very excited for the holidays this year. I love the feeling of togetherness that the holidays bring! With friends, family, co-workers or whomever you find yourself gathering with this season, merry Christmas and Happy, Joyous Holidays to you and yours!

Leaving a Legacy in this far too Fragile World

Life. We all have it. We all live it. We are all breathing, heart beating, seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling - or at least some of the above to some degree.

Fragile. Breakable. Short, Fleeting.

Life doesn't last. I've often heard the humor in the phrase "The most terminal illness is life because we are all going to die from it anyways," or something similar to that.

What is your quality of life? Seeing a family come together to prepare for the final goodbyes to someone they may or may not have been close with recently is eye opening and heart breaking. We never know when we will die. Some people are faced with a terminal illness and sent home to die. They still know not the hour of their death, but they can start to prepare for the final goodbyes. We all don't have that.

What is my quality of life? I love deeply but often I feel I fail to express that love. Sometimes I express it in such deep and meaningful ways in my eyes but I don't know if it is received that way. Sometimes I hold back. Sometimes I don't pour out every ounce of my love towards certain people due to how it had been received in the past; or only showing that deep love in a certain way because I feel I have to live up to certain expectations of how they think I should express love.

Regardless. Regardless of all that, I choose love. I choose to love deeply and extravagantly. I choose to not hold back love. I choose to walk in the Spirit and allow God to move within me and guide me. I choose that.

I want to leave a legacy. I want to leave a platform for future generations to build upon. I want that.

Good Riddence to that of Ole

Let mine eyes rest upon You, Oh Lord.


So many new beginnings. So many changes. So much that I didn't think was going to happen but God did.


Resting. Breathing. Following His lead and His timing.


I've held so many personal beliefs that "I am not going to do such and such until such and such is done." While these were made with an intention to catapult me towards greatness and launch me to obtain goals, it also acted as a wall and it hindered me from applying myself whole heartedly towards certain things until "it was achieved."


I don't have those anymore. My goals have been obtained. As I paid that last lump sum on my student loans, I am free of my own chains. It was my last ultimatum. It was the last promise I made to myself that I "would not until ...".


Now I can. Now I can freely and wholly apply myself to the beautiful things that God has in store for me without that shadow of "but first I must."


I was getting discouraged because I always had a clear vision to pay my student loans off by May 2016. Yet as that day got closer and I had only paid the minimum amount due the past 10 months I was telling myself that it was a noble effort, but clearly not feasible. Then it hit me. That drive and that peace that says to pay them off. God's got this.


So now here I am, several months in to a new season of life, and I am thriving. All that the word has thrown at me says that this isn't possible. Somehow God made it all work. And I am thankful.


I am looking forward to this new season and the beauty that it will bring. I am excited to pursue love without strings. I am excited to give of myself purely and not worry about standing up to my own expectations or hurdling over my own walls.


God is so good. And He has given me the desires of my heart. We are a team. And He is faithful and true.

As the Seasons Change

Not as strong as I come off .. yet stronger than I think.


I love life. But there are just moments that just get the best of me. It is going on week three of battling something that keeps floating around. Allergies? A cold? A mix of the two? Neither? I don't know. It comes and just as I think I am getting over it, another bout of something the same yet different hits.


This season is trying.


Work, school, family, friends, me! Balance.


I find lots of time to read. My book is now my go to above Netflix.


Spending some time absorbing wisdom and challenging me to grow into a better and healthier me.


Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Mentally. Drained and exhausted. Seeking recharge and refuel.


So many thoughts without any real direction of applying them on paper.


Wanting to write and having brilliant ideas during the wee hours of the night as I try to drift to sleep. Scribbling little bits on paper only to wake and realize I was too vague in what was really trying to be said.


Never having enough hours in the day to do all I want to do. Doing all the things I don't need to be doing during those awake hours. Slowly finding balance and rhythm and clarity.


I applied to go back to college. I want to go into Social Work. I want to make a difference. I want a degree.


That isn't to say I can't do any of the above where I am, because I feel like I am. Yet I don't ever want to settle. I don't want to just leave what is as just what it is. I want to go and go and go until I can't go any more.


Fear has gripped a lot of possibility away from me. Fear that my intentions were wrong. Fear that I would fail. Fear of what the world thought of me. Fear of my peers. So much fear.


I'll fail everything I don't even try. I won't give up before I've begun.


Go getter. Determined. Passionate. I'll embrace these qualities. I'll never settle for less than I know I am capable of. I'll sit back in due seasons but I'll always press for excellence.


My motives and my heart are between me and God. I'll follow His every lead. I'll dance with him and when he pushes I step back. When he pulls I step forward. I trust in His divine lead. I trust in his heavenly song. I'll follow as I am called to do.


This season has me right on the edge. God is Good and He is faithful. His hand I will forever hold. I may try to let go at times thinking that I've got this .. but I am so dependent on my Abba. He is always there to catch me when I fall .. he answers when I call .. He takes me hand long after I've let go and made thinks a mess. But He loves me just the same.

What is your Story?

Words. Sometimes they just flow off the tongue so freely. Is it really that important to tell you that I lost my keys this morning? Or that I misplaced my phone yesterday, or that my child acted up? Do I have to tell the awkward tales or the moments where I asked something of someone and they did it?


I am a story teller. I am a people person. I am always looking for things to relate to. I tell my stories in hopes that you, too, will tell me yours. I want to hear how you overslept and had to rush to work. I want to hear that you had the chance to get a sitter so you could take a warm bath. I want to hear that you were so busy doing all the things of life that you totally forget to eat breakfast or make coffee. I want to hear that you bought a new car and that you love it.


All of that, all of the in-betweens and everything that surpasses even that, I want you to feel comfortable confiding in me and sharing life with me.


If it is your first baby or your seventh. If it is your first house or your forever home or your tenth move in two years. If it is your mom or your sister or your baby. Everyone has stories. Everyone has something going on in their very moment of life that is worth sharing.


Maybe you need to vent about a problem at home or at work. Maybe your best friend hurt you. Maybe you are just so exhausted from doing this thing we call life. Maybe you are in a shaky place in your spiritual journey. Perhaps there are health concerns.


I'd love to hear about where you are, and where you've been in life. We are all shaped by our experiences and our perceptions of the world. We all have something that we can learn from and that we can teach each other.


Let me have listening ears and a willing heart to engage in the matters of the heart conversations and grow myself and watch you grow through it all.

To have Him Love You more than He Loves Me.

What does that even me ... "that he would love God more than he loves me" ... ?


It isn't something I had put much thought into. It still hasn't been something I've really thought about in great depth. But it is something that rolls around in my mind. Often.


I am referring to relationships and finding a husband. I seek a man so after God's heart that he finds me in this pursuit. I want to be a woman so after God's heart that I meet my husband in it.


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I know God has my husband ready for me. I know that everything is happening. I so want to grab the reigns and take control and make things happen now.


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A year ago I was in the mist of Foster Care licensure. I had been for about 6 months. I was walking on the edge of the water. I was on the verge of something beautiful.


I knew God's promise of "I am going to use your house to further my Kingdom." I knew Foster Care was where I was called in this season. And I pursued God and Foster Care fell into place.


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And back along the edge of the water is where I am again. Waiting is always the hardest part for me. Just as God came through and Foster Care became a thing, so will marriage. As will family. As will finances and friendships.


Let Go. Let God. Let my will be His will. Let my prayers line up with my Heavenly Fathers. Let not my will be done, except as it lines up with the promises Father has spoken into me.


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I pray that my husband does love God more than me. I pray that he first and foremost goes to Abba for answers. I pray that we both continually seek God and take everything to Him first. By doing that, we can grow in the areas of communication, intimacy, and togetherness.


My heart stirs with excitement as I think about this next chapter of my life .. of waiting on my Lord and my God. Of waiting and watching as promises unfold and my hope and faith grow.






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Hope. Hope is the anchor of my soul. [Hebrews 6:19]


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New Beginnings and setting the stage

I've been reading a great book. A book with an emphasis on controlling my thoughts and renewing my mind.


It is deep. There is so much that I am trying to comprehend. I want to grasp the concept. I want to apply this way of thinking to my life.


How do you react?


This morning was rough. I worked all evening last night securing this mornings plans. Everything was falling into place great. And then we got a winter storm and I had no idea what was happening. All of last nights plans were null and void.


Usually I am very matter of fact when other people's plans change. But when my plans change, I feel like I shut down and freeze. I try to see clarity beyond the storm. I try to focus in the storm (note, IN, not on).


When I began thinking too many negative things, I began to shut down. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to pull over and cry.


I turned to God. In those moments I really have no idea how to handle them. But I began to pray. "Lord, I can't do this on my own. I need You." and the little in my back seat was repeating everything I was saying.


I am an example whether I want to be or not.


Guide me, Lord.