It is amazing the correlation... when I lack in my relationship with God, earthy relationships suffer. But when I am seeking to strengthen my relationship with God, my earthy relationships flourish.
Setting boundaries, opening up, sharing the good and the bad in my life, communication, confrontation, forgiveness, love, loyalty, trusting, trust-worthy, dependable, merciful, generous....
My life feels as though it is shambles right now. Everything seems to be a struggle. Just trying to take it one day at a time and constantly strive to lay every. single. thing down at the foot of the cross.
I haven't been in the mood to talk lately. Just don't feel like opening up and trying to figure out what is happening internally. The result of this is that friendships, relationships, communication is lacking and suffering majorly. But then again, it all starts with God. Perhaps I need to open up more to God and try harder to surrender my life to Him.
Then again, maybe this is just the hormones talking.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Communication: A good starting point
Communication is key. What a beautiful things good communication is!
I've been watching "Switched at Birth" on Netflix today and it just appalls me with the lack of communication that is going on, and all the lies and secrets and waiting to say what needs to be said. Now, I do get that it is a tv show. It is meant to be as dramatic as it is. Yet at the same time, when watched with an open mind, it can be used to teach lessons.
Relationships, especially maintaining them, has seemed to become a struggle as of lately. I think the biggest thing is that there is lack of good communication. Things have happened over the recent past which in turn as resulted in hurt feelings, toes being stepped on, and walls and barriers being put up. I am certainly to blame at least to an extent in each of these circumstances.
Speaking up, speaking out, stating what is on my mind or in my heart has always been challenging, and as time goes by, it continues to be a struggle. Things have become so bottled up it seems within that even my journal lacks randomness and heart pouring. Basically every page has the same cry written from top to bottom on it, "Oh dearest Lord, I NEED YOU, please, please help me!" And whilest that is indeed certainly true, there prolly needs some clearer communication.
Sitting in prayer the other day, I was telling God that I feel so lost. When clearer then clear, He told me that I have so many walls up that I simply cannot be lost. I need to let Him break down these walls in order for me to become fully lost within HIM! It was quite the humbling moment. I long to be so lost in God. I long to be so transparent. I long for closeness and oneness and unity with God!
Communication. Good communication. It starts between me and my Heavenly Father. <3 Then when that is full, it can overflow into all my relationships.
I've been watching "Switched at Birth" on Netflix today and it just appalls me with the lack of communication that is going on, and all the lies and secrets and waiting to say what needs to be said. Now, I do get that it is a tv show. It is meant to be as dramatic as it is. Yet at the same time, when watched with an open mind, it can be used to teach lessons.
Relationships, especially maintaining them, has seemed to become a struggle as of lately. I think the biggest thing is that there is lack of good communication. Things have happened over the recent past which in turn as resulted in hurt feelings, toes being stepped on, and walls and barriers being put up. I am certainly to blame at least to an extent in each of these circumstances.
Speaking up, speaking out, stating what is on my mind or in my heart has always been challenging, and as time goes by, it continues to be a struggle. Things have become so bottled up it seems within that even my journal lacks randomness and heart pouring. Basically every page has the same cry written from top to bottom on it, "Oh dearest Lord, I NEED YOU, please, please help me!" And whilest that is indeed certainly true, there prolly needs some clearer communication.
Sitting in prayer the other day, I was telling God that I feel so lost. When clearer then clear, He told me that I have so many walls up that I simply cannot be lost. I need to let Him break down these walls in order for me to become fully lost within HIM! It was quite the humbling moment. I long to be so lost in God. I long to be so transparent. I long for closeness and oneness and unity with God!
Communication. Good communication. It starts between me and my Heavenly Father. <3 Then when that is full, it can overflow into all my relationships.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Words to live by
Some of the words that helped me and encouraged me and inspired me throughout the week. I wrote in my journal during the sermon, so the most of these are not exactly direct quotes, nor do I know who said them all... or any of them.
• First, I find it very fitting to put these lyrics hear. I swear this was the most sang, whistled, hummed song the entire trip (despite the fact that we never actually sang it as a whole).
"Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship you holy name
The sun comes up Its a new day dawning Its time to sing your song again What ever may pass and whatever lies before me Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worshhip your holy name
You're rich in love and you're slow to anger Your name is great and your heart is kind For all your goodness i will keep on singing 10,000 reasons for my heart to find
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul
Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name
And on that day when my strength is failing The end draws near and my time has come Soon my soul sing your praise un-ending 10,000 years and there forever more
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name (repeat 3x)
Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name (repeat 3x)"
∞ Genesis 8:22
∞ James 1:2
∞ Ecclesiastes 3:1-2
• We all go through different seasons of life. Full, abundant, dry, unknowing. We will have ups and downs. Seasons always change. Even when we don't know the reasons why, or what will come next, or even what is happening now, all the different seasons are important. (We got thru dry spells to prepare us for where God calls us to go).
• Have joy in all things! We are tested and have trials. God allows us to walk thru seasons to make sure it is devotion, not emotion. To make sure that He can throw us into the deep end and we can swim.
• God acts out of who He is, not how He feels.
• The leaves fall off trees to focus on the roots. Shake leaves off (what people say, think, etc.) and get down to the roots and tend to them! Where am I planted??
• Stop seeking acceptance from those around me. God has already accepted me fully-- just as I am!
∞ Psalm 92:12-14
∞ Psalm 1:2
• As things happen in life, make sure it is God's Will. Consider Christ, the body of Christ, the church, and pray first and foremost.
• Plant a seed within me, Oh Lord! Let it bloom and blossom within, here and at home and the surrounding areas!
∞ Psalm 98
• Lead me, Lord! Be my strength when I am weak. Be my words when I am speechless. Be everything I long to be and everything I am not. I need you in good times and in bad!
∞ 2 Peter 3
∞ Jeremiah 29:11
• Fear is the most crippling thing.
• There is power within me.
∞ Acts 2:17
• Have the faith to spread the Gospel, power and love! Crush the fear bug!
• God doesn't want people to be sick. We are the vessel to heal people.
∞ 1 Timothy 1:5
∞ John 13
• Serving is the full extent of God's love.
• Serving doesn't always fit. It isn't always convenient. Be prepared for inconvenience. (We are born selfish, and serving goes against the grain of who we are. Serving is the renewing of the mind. We need to practice. We are the game changers).
• Serving is a mandate. (There are two bowls mentioned. One that Jesus uses to walk the feet of others, the other one that is used to wash hands [like washing hands of particular situation]).
• Complaining is okay. It is a good stress relief. But only complain when you are going to do something about it, going to change it!
• First, I find it very fitting to put these lyrics hear. I swear this was the most sang, whistled, hummed song the entire trip (despite the fact that we never actually sang it as a whole).
"Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship you holy name
The sun comes up Its a new day dawning Its time to sing your song again What ever may pass and whatever lies before me Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worshhip your holy name
You're rich in love and you're slow to anger Your name is great and your heart is kind For all your goodness i will keep on singing 10,000 reasons for my heart to find
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul
Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name
And on that day when my strength is failing The end draws near and my time has come Soon my soul sing your praise un-ending 10,000 years and there forever more
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name
Bless the lord oh my soul Oh my soul Worship his holy name Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name (repeat 3x)
Sing like never before Oh my soul I worship your holy name (repeat 3x)"
∞ Genesis 8:22
∞ James 1:2
∞ Ecclesiastes 3:1-2
• We all go through different seasons of life. Full, abundant, dry, unknowing. We will have ups and downs. Seasons always change. Even when we don't know the reasons why, or what will come next, or even what is happening now, all the different seasons are important. (We got thru dry spells to prepare us for where God calls us to go).
• Have joy in all things! We are tested and have trials. God allows us to walk thru seasons to make sure it is devotion, not emotion. To make sure that He can throw us into the deep end and we can swim.
• God acts out of who He is, not how He feels.
• The leaves fall off trees to focus on the roots. Shake leaves off (what people say, think, etc.) and get down to the roots and tend to them! Where am I planted??
• Stop seeking acceptance from those around me. God has already accepted me fully-- just as I am!
∞ Psalm 92:12-14
∞ Psalm 1:2
• As things happen in life, make sure it is God's Will. Consider Christ, the body of Christ, the church, and pray first and foremost.
• Plant a seed within me, Oh Lord! Let it bloom and blossom within, here and at home and the surrounding areas!
∞ Psalm 98
• Lead me, Lord! Be my strength when I am weak. Be my words when I am speechless. Be everything I long to be and everything I am not. I need you in good times and in bad!
∞ 2 Peter 3
∞ Jeremiah 29:11
• Fear is the most crippling thing.
• There is power within me.
∞ Acts 2:17
• Have the faith to spread the Gospel, power and love! Crush the fear bug!
• God doesn't want people to be sick. We are the vessel to heal people.
∞ 1 Timothy 1:5
∞ John 13
• Serving is the full extent of God's love.
• Serving doesn't always fit. It isn't always convenient. Be prepared for inconvenience. (We are born selfish, and serving goes against the grain of who we are. Serving is the renewing of the mind. We need to practice. We are the game changers).
• Serving is a mandate. (There are two bowls mentioned. One that Jesus uses to walk the feet of others, the other one that is used to wash hands [like washing hands of particular situation]).
• Complaining is okay. It is a good stress relief. But only complain when you are going to do something about it, going to change it!
Missions Trip 2012 Part I
Oh where to begin .. this past week has been quite extraordinary.
How honored I am to be a part of such a wonderful college group that is so on fire for the Lord and strives and seeks to see the Lords face, following in His footprints all the days of their lives, trusting in His word, relying not on our own strength, but instead on a power that is so beyond human understanding.
Here I sit, sitting almost all day long. I am at work, but in those "not needed immediately" points, here I sit, staring, staring at my computer screen, my knitting, writing in my journal all day long. Quite the opposite of what the past week has been. The past week there was literally no time to sit like I've been doing. We were actually moving about so much that by Wednesday we were in desperate need of a short nap for energy to get us thru the evening (okay, perhaps I cannot speak for the team as a whole, but that is certainly what I felt like and over heard one or two other people express verbally). Back home. Home Sweet Home. But how I long to be back with the community of the Dream Center in Baton Rouge. How that week stirred my heart, moved me, changed me, opened my eyes and my heart to sometime so far beyond the life that I live.
I woke up this morning and almost had a mindset that last weeks Missions trip did not happen. Like it was just a small portion of my life that I did for a week-- that it was last week, not something that will be a change for the, my, future!
I seek to go out into my own community and serve more often. I long to take what I learned and apply it to my here and now. Last week certainly did not start out easy. There were many, many firsts. I had actually never prayed aloud for anyone that I don't know and just met for the first time. I never walked up to someone and said "Jesus love you!" "Would you like me to pray for you today?" Or anything of the like. For many months I was observing others, yet avoiding it if and/or when I may need to step up. Even on the first night of out reach in Baton Rouge. I made sure I was near the back of the line to avoid knocking on doors saying "Dream Center" and then proceeding to tell them about the night of fellowship down the road. In all honesty, I had no idea what to say. When put on the spot (which did indeed happen a time or two) I was completely speechless and just kind of motioned down the road and may have mumbled out "hotdog dinner" or something to that extent. When we had extra hotdogs and pizza after dinner that night, we went door to door offering the left overs to the surrounding families. I was handed a pizza box and asked "You wanna take this one?" I was near a panic attack on the inside, and held the pizza box but practically stood frozen in my spot. Thank God another one of my team members just marched up there, took the pizza box from me and handed it to the gentleman there and prayed for him. This was only the first day. We had many more out reaches the rest of the week.
Even by Wednesday, I was still a little hesitant to just approach someone and just flat out ask if they needed prayer. But, to make a long story short, I was approaching people by the end of the morning and two of my fondest memories are as follows:
A dear sister in Christ and I walked up to a man and asked him if He would like pray for anything specific. He had such a huge smile on his face and just said that he would like to thank God for the blessings that he had in his life! Second, we walked up to another man and just were talking about life and our college plans and where he has been and his plans that he had wished to accomplish in college but never got to them. We prayed with him and as we got up to leave, he pulled us back towards us and said that he wanted to pray for us. It honestly moved me to tears!
The majority of the week was a blur, but come Friday morning, almost the entire week had gone by and I had no idea what my purpose was for being on this trip. I had no idea what I was doing or how on earth I could even be having an impact on this team or the people. I felt as though I hardly knew how to pray seeing as it was completely foreign to me. I was totally lacking confidence in walking up to people and introducing myself and carrying on a conversation. Just overall I was in a pretty bad place. One of my nearest and dearest friends noticed and we began talking and then she prayed for me. She encouraged me to just look out at the people who were there before me and the one that I noticed, just go and walk up to him/her. I immediately noticed one woman with a cart. As I walked towards her, a man stepped out in front of me with the biggest smile and just began thanking me and telling me how glad he was to see me again. I had to be reminded that I had met him and prayed with him the previous Wednesday. I was shocked. But again, we prayed and we talked. He could not stop smiling! He is one of the biggest sweethearts I know!
After conversing with Dennis for a good while, I approached the lady with the cart. Unfortunately, she declined prayers, but I was able to talk with other people in line and spend some time with the sweet children!
As I went back inside, I was drawn towards a man sitting there eating his hotdog. I approached him and asked if I could pray with him. His name is Peter. I really wish that I could have understood the people that I talked to better. What I understood from Peter, is that he does street evangelizing. He shares the word of God with his fellow brothers and sisters he meets along the road. We talked and prayed and then I went off to play with the children and just talk to other people. As it neared the time that we were to leave, Peter pulled me aside and just complimented and encouraged me over and over again. He built me up. He kept saying that even though I could have ignored him, I did not. I went up and talked with him and that God will bless me for that. That our team is doing wonderful things and that we will be blessed for that. We have beautiful spirits and God is pleased. And the list goes on and on and on (again, from what I could understand that he was saying).
In this regard, I grew by leaps and bounds. I pray that as I venture out to serve my own community in the near future, that I can keep a free mindset and seek to go where God calls me to go! This is all just from a physical sense! My spirit has been in a constant battle. But God is so good!! Amen.
How honored I am to be a part of such a wonderful college group that is so on fire for the Lord and strives and seeks to see the Lords face, following in His footprints all the days of their lives, trusting in His word, relying not on our own strength, but instead on a power that is so beyond human understanding.
Here I sit, sitting almost all day long. I am at work, but in those "not needed immediately" points, here I sit, staring, staring at my computer screen, my knitting, writing in my journal all day long. Quite the opposite of what the past week has been. The past week there was literally no time to sit like I've been doing. We were actually moving about so much that by Wednesday we were in desperate need of a short nap for energy to get us thru the evening (okay, perhaps I cannot speak for the team as a whole, but that is certainly what I felt like and over heard one or two other people express verbally). Back home. Home Sweet Home. But how I long to be back with the community of the Dream Center in Baton Rouge. How that week stirred my heart, moved me, changed me, opened my eyes and my heart to sometime so far beyond the life that I live.
I woke up this morning and almost had a mindset that last weeks Missions trip did not happen. Like it was just a small portion of my life that I did for a week-- that it was last week, not something that will be a change for the, my, future!
I seek to go out into my own community and serve more often. I long to take what I learned and apply it to my here and now. Last week certainly did not start out easy. There were many, many firsts. I had actually never prayed aloud for anyone that I don't know and just met for the first time. I never walked up to someone and said "Jesus love you!" "Would you like me to pray for you today?" Or anything of the like. For many months I was observing others, yet avoiding it if and/or when I may need to step up. Even on the first night of out reach in Baton Rouge. I made sure I was near the back of the line to avoid knocking on doors saying "Dream Center" and then proceeding to tell them about the night of fellowship down the road. In all honesty, I had no idea what to say. When put on the spot (which did indeed happen a time or two) I was completely speechless and just kind of motioned down the road and may have mumbled out "hotdog dinner" or something to that extent. When we had extra hotdogs and pizza after dinner that night, we went door to door offering the left overs to the surrounding families. I was handed a pizza box and asked "You wanna take this one?" I was near a panic attack on the inside, and held the pizza box but practically stood frozen in my spot. Thank God another one of my team members just marched up there, took the pizza box from me and handed it to the gentleman there and prayed for him. This was only the first day. We had many more out reaches the rest of the week.
Even by Wednesday, I was still a little hesitant to just approach someone and just flat out ask if they needed prayer. But, to make a long story short, I was approaching people by the end of the morning and two of my fondest memories are as follows:
A dear sister in Christ and I walked up to a man and asked him if He would like pray for anything specific. He had such a huge smile on his face and just said that he would like to thank God for the blessings that he had in his life! Second, we walked up to another man and just were talking about life and our college plans and where he has been and his plans that he had wished to accomplish in college but never got to them. We prayed with him and as we got up to leave, he pulled us back towards us and said that he wanted to pray for us. It honestly moved me to tears!
The majority of the week was a blur, but come Friday morning, almost the entire week had gone by and I had no idea what my purpose was for being on this trip. I had no idea what I was doing or how on earth I could even be having an impact on this team or the people. I felt as though I hardly knew how to pray seeing as it was completely foreign to me. I was totally lacking confidence in walking up to people and introducing myself and carrying on a conversation. Just overall I was in a pretty bad place. One of my nearest and dearest friends noticed and we began talking and then she prayed for me. She encouraged me to just look out at the people who were there before me and the one that I noticed, just go and walk up to him/her. I immediately noticed one woman with a cart. As I walked towards her, a man stepped out in front of me with the biggest smile and just began thanking me and telling me how glad he was to see me again. I had to be reminded that I had met him and prayed with him the previous Wednesday. I was shocked. But again, we prayed and we talked. He could not stop smiling! He is one of the biggest sweethearts I know!
After conversing with Dennis for a good while, I approached the lady with the cart. Unfortunately, she declined prayers, but I was able to talk with other people in line and spend some time with the sweet children!
As I went back inside, I was drawn towards a man sitting there eating his hotdog. I approached him and asked if I could pray with him. His name is Peter. I really wish that I could have understood the people that I talked to better. What I understood from Peter, is that he does street evangelizing. He shares the word of God with his fellow brothers and sisters he meets along the road. We talked and prayed and then I went off to play with the children and just talk to other people. As it neared the time that we were to leave, Peter pulled me aside and just complimented and encouraged me over and over again. He built me up. He kept saying that even though I could have ignored him, I did not. I went up and talked with him and that God will bless me for that. That our team is doing wonderful things and that we will be blessed for that. We have beautiful spirits and God is pleased. And the list goes on and on and on (again, from what I could understand that he was saying).
In this regard, I grew by leaps and bounds. I pray that as I venture out to serve my own community in the near future, that I can keep a free mindset and seek to go where God calls me to go! This is all just from a physical sense! My spirit has been in a constant battle. But God is so good!! Amen.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Where God has put me
I've heard Nursing Assistants referred to as "Certified Butt Wipers." This can indeed be quite true, sometimes more often then not.
One of those fleeting moments of walking past the mirror out of the bathroom and vanity slipping in. "You're too pretty for this." I actually stopped dead in my tracks. That was certainly not a voice from God.
Immediately I knew it was from the enemy and I thought a little deeper. Humbling indeed, but my job also makes me very thankful. I am thankful for my independence. I am thankful for the freedom to move about as I will. I am thankful that I have control over bodily functions. I am also young. I don't know where I will be in 50 years. I don't even know if I will live to see tomorrow. Perhaps one day I will be on the receiving end.
So, tonight I am not "too pretty to have this job." I am right where God wants me to be. Even if that involves doing rather unpleasant jobs in order to help someone who needs a little extra help.
One of those fleeting moments of walking past the mirror out of the bathroom and vanity slipping in. "You're too pretty for this." I actually stopped dead in my tracks. That was certainly not a voice from God.
Immediately I knew it was from the enemy and I thought a little deeper. Humbling indeed, but my job also makes me very thankful. I am thankful for my independence. I am thankful for the freedom to move about as I will. I am thankful that I have control over bodily functions. I am also young. I don't know where I will be in 50 years. I don't even know if I will live to see tomorrow. Perhaps one day I will be on the receiving end.
So, tonight I am not "too pretty to have this job." I am right where God wants me to be. Even if that involves doing rather unpleasant jobs in order to help someone who needs a little extra help.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Just today
Today is just kinda a strange day. Not really sure why. Woke up to a lovely phone call and them started my day. I can always get out of bed rather easily when I have somewhere to be. Just not much of a home-body at this point in my life.
I picked up a tube of black and a tube of white acrylic paints. Just some cheaper type things and have been doing some painting today. Perhaps this is another one of those passing stages that doesn't go anywhere. More art supplies to add to my art studio that is not even in the near future plans. It is just a wanna be. It will probably turn into a nursery before an art studio. Which says much considering that I am not exactly actively seeking any kind of relationship at this point in time.
Since the semester ended 6 weeks ago, I thought I for sure made the Dean's List. They must have changed the requirements from a 3.3 GPA to a 3.5 GPA or I was just wrong all along. Well, quite the disappointment to find out I got a 3.499 GPA. I heard on the radio today about a woman's breakfast coming up in a few weeks and "if you are woman who has ever struggled or are struggling with the feelings of discouragement, not feeling important, and that you cannot do better, then this is the place to be! Come join us and let go of these lies!" And I said "Thank you, Lord, that I feel good enough, important and that I am good enough for you have me where you want me." ... yea. Not even 6 hours later I see the news that I am 0.001% off from making the Dean's List. Those flooding emotions "well, if that isn't discouraging." "Why bother even trying anymore?" and the list goes on.
And sure, it is kinda disappointing and it would be nice to have credentials of the sort in today's society. Yet, it isn't personal gain that I am after in this world. I seek first and foremost the Kingdom of God. And I know that the effort that was put into last semester was not the absolute best that it could have been. So, in this moment, it is not a matter of being sad and depressed about being 0.001% away from being recognized in human eyes. Instead, praise and glory and honor go to God for blessing me with the opportunity to go to college, for blessing me with good enough grades to get my first scholarship (for having good grades, none-the-less), and above all else, the grace to accept this bump in the road with understanding and not falling into the oh-so-horrible trap of the enemy.
My painting today is just a wanna-be grey scale of a heart with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 painted on. And while it is evident that I need some major practice, I am quite pleased with my first attempt at something of this kind. Just like my knitting and all the boxes of knits that I donated or threw away, my art is a work in progress. I remember when I was going thru my many strange things I attempted to knit and throwing many things out, my sister said something about all my things being wasted. I told her that if it wasn't for all those ugly things that have no meaning, I would not be able to knit as I knit now.
Everything in life takes practice. Things on this earth to things in our heart.
Patience, for example. I've been saying lately that I have prolly prayed for more patience in the past 3 days then I have ever before in my life. The reason being? My phone. For some strange reason, my phone just restarts for no obvious apparent reason. It got annoying real fast. Still praying for patience and wisdom and guidance with how to go about making it all better. :P
It just seems like a lot of little things are out to try to upset me. Being human, sometimes they win. But thru the Amazing Grace of God, I may stumble, but never quite fall ... except into the loving embrace of My Heavenly Father. :)
I picked up a tube of black and a tube of white acrylic paints. Just some cheaper type things and have been doing some painting today. Perhaps this is another one of those passing stages that doesn't go anywhere. More art supplies to add to my art studio that is not even in the near future plans. It is just a wanna be. It will probably turn into a nursery before an art studio. Which says much considering that I am not exactly actively seeking any kind of relationship at this point in time.
Since the semester ended 6 weeks ago, I thought I for sure made the Dean's List. They must have changed the requirements from a 3.3 GPA to a 3.5 GPA or I was just wrong all along. Well, quite the disappointment to find out I got a 3.499 GPA. I heard on the radio today about a woman's breakfast coming up in a few weeks and "if you are woman who has ever struggled or are struggling with the feelings of discouragement, not feeling important, and that you cannot do better, then this is the place to be! Come join us and let go of these lies!" And I said "Thank you, Lord, that I feel good enough, important and that I am good enough for you have me where you want me." ... yea. Not even 6 hours later I see the news that I am 0.001% off from making the Dean's List. Those flooding emotions "well, if that isn't discouraging." "Why bother even trying anymore?" and the list goes on.
And sure, it is kinda disappointing and it would be nice to have credentials of the sort in today's society. Yet, it isn't personal gain that I am after in this world. I seek first and foremost the Kingdom of God. And I know that the effort that was put into last semester was not the absolute best that it could have been. So, in this moment, it is not a matter of being sad and depressed about being 0.001% away from being recognized in human eyes. Instead, praise and glory and honor go to God for blessing me with the opportunity to go to college, for blessing me with good enough grades to get my first scholarship (for having good grades, none-the-less), and above all else, the grace to accept this bump in the road with understanding and not falling into the oh-so-horrible trap of the enemy.
My painting today is just a wanna-be grey scale of a heart with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 painted on. And while it is evident that I need some major practice, I am quite pleased with my first attempt at something of this kind. Just like my knitting and all the boxes of knits that I donated or threw away, my art is a work in progress. I remember when I was going thru my many strange things I attempted to knit and throwing many things out, my sister said something about all my things being wasted. I told her that if it wasn't for all those ugly things that have no meaning, I would not be able to knit as I knit now.
Everything in life takes practice. Things on this earth to things in our heart.
Patience, for example. I've been saying lately that I have prolly prayed for more patience in the past 3 days then I have ever before in my life. The reason being? My phone. For some strange reason, my phone just restarts for no obvious apparent reason. It got annoying real fast. Still praying for patience and wisdom and guidance with how to go about making it all better. :P
It just seems like a lot of little things are out to try to upset me. Being human, sometimes they win. But thru the Amazing Grace of God, I may stumble, but never quite fall ... except into the loving embrace of My Heavenly Father. :)
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