A balance. A balance. It is all a balance. Balance balance balance. It seems to be all that I have been reminding myself of lately. This is a balance. That is a balance. It is all just a balance of this or of that or this in addition to that or this and that. But w h a t exactly is balance, and what exactly do I need to balance? How will balance help me? How will I benefit from any type of balance? Oh, not to mention all the balance that is talked about in the art world.
What happens because of unbalance? Upset, chaos, uneasiness, unrest, no peace, craziness, and so on and so forth.
What needs to be balanced? What doesn't need to be balanced?
Life seems to be in a state of unbalance right now. One area just got way too much put on it and all of a sudden, teeter-tottering all around.
Such a strange feeling of feeling all jumbled up inside yet having the peace of the Holy Spirit surrounding me.
Sometimes just so much gets thrown this direction. Sometimes it is caught, sometimes it is dodged, other times it smacks smack dab in between the eyes.
For many months I have heard the phrase "Don't thank me, thank God." And for months it struck the nerve "But you have free will! You choose daily to surrender your own will to do God's Will for you life!" Or something quite similar. Then I read something. For the life of me can I remember? Nope. All I know is that is planted a seed that took immediate root. I had a different attitude towards it. It no longer struck that nerve. It now struck the "Wow, I would love to surrender to God that much that I recognize that 'it is not me, but God who lives inside me.'"
Weeks later now, I am reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan (ok, well listening to the audio book). All I can say is wow. I am just over three-quarters of the way through it within 2 days and it has seriously changed my life for the better. Honestly, it has not taught me more then what I already knew, it has just phrased it in such an awesome way that it struck me in a most positive way. This book is so strongly focused on the Holy Spirit within our lives.
Even tonight as there is unbalance, there is such peace of being surrounded by the Holy Spirit. That moment of being chilled and shivering although it is a blazing 70 some degrees in the house here. That moment of being okay with what is happening in life. That realization that God holds me in the palm of His hands and holds me close to Him. That realization that God knows me and is looking upon me with love saying "Yes, Catherine, yes you. I love you."
Balance. Balance comes from God. In any of my past vain attempts to take life into my own hands it has resulted in severe unbalance. Every time I crawl back to God. Every time I surrender my life to Him again. Again and again. He never tires. He always welcomes me with open arms. God balances my life. He knows what to give me to make me smile, He knows what to give me to make me speechless, He knows that to give me to take me outside my comfort zone. He knows how to comfort. He knows how to love. He knows me through and through. He knows when I am happy, sad, angry, hurt, crying. He gives me the graces to get thru every single life event. God balances my life. again. and again. always.
I used to say "God is my center and everything revolves around Him." I have since changed that to "God is my everything and all I do includes Him." I pray I can live up to that motto.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
"A tortilla chip eaten by a dog crunches just the same as if it were eaten by a human"
No, the title really has nothing what so ever to do with what follows. It is just an example of what my Sunday night was like when my friend fed her dog a chip and made that statement as the dog munched and crunched the tortilla chip.
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I am once again in awe of how amazing God is. Sometimes I get an idea of how I want something to work out and what I think will make me happy. I pray about it, and actually I get what I want. But in all reality things go so very differently then how I thought they would and they end up so so so much better then I ever would have dreamed of.
As interesting as the past several weeks have been emotionally and mentally, God still works wonders and knows exactly what I need to keep me focused on Him and give me a boost to put a smile on my face.
So many prayers are being answered. I can feel God's presence in my life. I can see where God has transformed me more and more into the woman He wants me to be!
There are moments when it feels as though no progress has been made. There are moments when it feels as though it is "one step forward, two steps back." But those are lies. I am always moving forward. Always growing. Always striving to become the woman God wants me to be!
One struggle has been that when I see a noteworthy characteristic in someone else, I want to be like that person. Talking with a friend last night, there was a revelation. This verse comes to mind:
"4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others" (Romans 12:4-5).
Each of us has our strengths. Each and every one of us has our own individual strengths that we can and should use to glorify the Lord! Each of us has something unique and different. Each of us is like a different part of the body, where it takes all of us and our talents, strengths, weaknesses, etc. to move forward, to move closer to God!
When I walked out of the house last night, I was just so thankful to be getting away from technology (as neither me nor my dad could get the printer to print my school papers). I had no idea what the night would hold. I had no idea how late I would be out or what kind of conversations would be had.
It is quite a blessing to not have preconceived notions of what the day holds. It is so nice to leave everything in God's hands and just go with the flow, going where the Good Lord leads!
If only I could write down every conversation that was had last night. If only I could remember every word that was spoken. All I know is that last night was a night in which my heart was touched in a way it has never been touched before and all I can do is praise and thank God, from whom all good things flow!
Last night it was as if someone was holding a mirror up in front of me, showing me who I am today. I talked about my past. I shared parts of my testimony. I was open and honest. I was accepted, loved, respected. I got to bond with a friend and connect on a deeper level.
I saw more clearly just how my past has shaped me into the unique individual whom I am today.
God has brought me so far on my journey. Sometimes it is really hard to fathom where I was only 9 short months ago. I look back and see the growth I've had. I am excited to see what the future holds! While I certainly do not know what the future holds, I DO know who holds the future! What a relief it is, and what great peace, comfort and joy it is, to know that God has me in the palm of His hands forevermore!
I say it constantly, but seriously, no amount of words will ever be able to sum up my gratitude.... I am so thankful for the people in my life that I have been blessed to get to know. God never ceases to reveal himself to me and shower me with love. Even on the down days when there is such a feeling of isolation and a longing to be alone, I am never alone. My God is always with me, never to leave my side. What more could I ask for?
------
I am once again in awe of how amazing God is. Sometimes I get an idea of how I want something to work out and what I think will make me happy. I pray about it, and actually I get what I want. But in all reality things go so very differently then how I thought they would and they end up so so so much better then I ever would have dreamed of.
As interesting as the past several weeks have been emotionally and mentally, God still works wonders and knows exactly what I need to keep me focused on Him and give me a boost to put a smile on my face.
So many prayers are being answered. I can feel God's presence in my life. I can see where God has transformed me more and more into the woman He wants me to be!
There are moments when it feels as though no progress has been made. There are moments when it feels as though it is "one step forward, two steps back." But those are lies. I am always moving forward. Always growing. Always striving to become the woman God wants me to be!
One struggle has been that when I see a noteworthy characteristic in someone else, I want to be like that person. Talking with a friend last night, there was a revelation. This verse comes to mind:
"4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others" (Romans 12:4-5).
Each of us has our strengths. Each and every one of us has our own individual strengths that we can and should use to glorify the Lord! Each of us has something unique and different. Each of us is like a different part of the body, where it takes all of us and our talents, strengths, weaknesses, etc. to move forward, to move closer to God!
When I walked out of the house last night, I was just so thankful to be getting away from technology (as neither me nor my dad could get the printer to print my school papers). I had no idea what the night would hold. I had no idea how late I would be out or what kind of conversations would be had.
It is quite a blessing to not have preconceived notions of what the day holds. It is so nice to leave everything in God's hands and just go with the flow, going where the Good Lord leads!
If only I could write down every conversation that was had last night. If only I could remember every word that was spoken. All I know is that last night was a night in which my heart was touched in a way it has never been touched before and all I can do is praise and thank God, from whom all good things flow!
Last night it was as if someone was holding a mirror up in front of me, showing me who I am today. I talked about my past. I shared parts of my testimony. I was open and honest. I was accepted, loved, respected. I got to bond with a friend and connect on a deeper level.
I saw more clearly just how my past has shaped me into the unique individual whom I am today.
God has brought me so far on my journey. Sometimes it is really hard to fathom where I was only 9 short months ago. I look back and see the growth I've had. I am excited to see what the future holds! While I certainly do not know what the future holds, I DO know who holds the future! What a relief it is, and what great peace, comfort and joy it is, to know that God has me in the palm of His hands forevermore!
I say it constantly, but seriously, no amount of words will ever be able to sum up my gratitude.... I am so thankful for the people in my life that I have been blessed to get to know. God never ceases to reveal himself to me and shower me with love. Even on the down days when there is such a feeling of isolation and a longing to be alone, I am never alone. My God is always with me, never to leave my side. What more could I ask for?
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Blessings
So much seems to be coming at me as of lately. If it is not one thing, then it is another. Sometimes I can get so focused on the unpleasant, that while I know the good exists, I don't exactly embrace it.
I can have an absolutely amazing day (and despite what I may say in a moment contrary to amazing, all my days are amazing for God is good!) but one small thing that is indeed quite small, sets me off. One thing that is contrary to the norm can send me spiraling downward into place that I want to avoid.
Most of the time, I cannot exactly place what has happened, and then there are those times when i can say exactly what it was, but at the same time, sometimes these things that set me off are so gosh darn small, that they are more then likely "the straw that broke the camels back." Recently, I had one of my more unpleasant breakdowns. It was one small thing. Someone was probably thinking that they were performing some act of kindness without realizing that they were doing something that brings me such joy. How can I fault them for that? I cannot and do not. Because of what was done, it opened the door for God to work in such a mysterious, amazing, beautiful way.
Again and again, I am amazed and thankful to be blessed with such extraordinary people in my life. I could not pull myself together. Just as I was calm and able to participate in praise and worship, the tears came flooding again. and again. and again. I wanted it to end. That is one of the worst feelings ever of feeling trapped in ones own body that continues to cry and cry and cry without any consolation. But God was working.
I have always considered crying to be a means of release in which the old self is washed away and allows room for new growth. It is a way to be purified, a letting go, a release of the old, dirty self.
All during this, all I wanted to do was get away. All I wanted to do was leave. All I wanted to do was go away, be by myself and just not have to deal with it all. I tried leaving church. I attempted to walk out. I paced back and forth. I kept finding myself back inside.
God certainly wanted me there. I experienced one of the most beautiful things in my life yet. I got to experience unconditional love, selflessness, and true friendship, as well as so many other things. This. This right here is what makes me so so so very thankful to belong to such a loving community. This is what inspires me to continue to strive to live for Christ and let him come within and flow out onto others around me.
As I stood there in a place where it felt as though the world were spinning, where I wanted to get away, where I just wanted everything to all end right there, God showered me with love and mercy.
Standing there, I had friends surrounding me, wanting to talk, wanting to pray, wanting me to reach out to God and let Him continue to lead my life! I know that these friends have been dealing with their own challenges. I know that they too have things pressing on their hearts. But here they were, setting their own troubles aside and lifting me up to the Lord. It brings tears of joy to my eyes to have people like this in my life.
I am not here all alone striving to reach God. I do not have to pursue God all on my own. I am not meant to be alone. I have a huge body of believers surrounding me, loving me, accepting me, encouraging me, helping me, praying for me, and just letting the light of Christ within them to shine thru onto others!
Sometimes I feel so unworthy. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a huge blessing. But then I am reminded that I am nothing without Jesus, and it is because of Him that I have been blessed with what I have.
Every day I continue to seek to live a Godly life and that Christ's light shines ever so bright from within and pours out onto many. God has used so many people to bring me closer to Him. Be it His will, I pray that He uses me as He sees fit to bring others to Him as well. In all I do, I long to do it all for the glory of my Lord, my God, my Savior!
Words are inadequate for the gratitude and love I wish to express to those in my life. I pray that God continues to pour out His blessings on each and every single one of you, near and far, whether I've met you once or see you regularly. He is working wonders through so many people and how blessed I am to be a part of such a wonderful family of believers!
What peace and joy it brings to say at the end of the day: It is all well, and I will be okay; For our God is Great!
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Pslam 23:1-3).
I can have an absolutely amazing day (and despite what I may say in a moment contrary to amazing, all my days are amazing for God is good!) but one small thing that is indeed quite small, sets me off. One thing that is contrary to the norm can send me spiraling downward into place that I want to avoid.
Most of the time, I cannot exactly place what has happened, and then there are those times when i can say exactly what it was, but at the same time, sometimes these things that set me off are so gosh darn small, that they are more then likely "the straw that broke the camels back." Recently, I had one of my more unpleasant breakdowns. It was one small thing. Someone was probably thinking that they were performing some act of kindness without realizing that they were doing something that brings me such joy. How can I fault them for that? I cannot and do not. Because of what was done, it opened the door for God to work in such a mysterious, amazing, beautiful way.
Again and again, I am amazed and thankful to be blessed with such extraordinary people in my life. I could not pull myself together. Just as I was calm and able to participate in praise and worship, the tears came flooding again. and again. and again. I wanted it to end. That is one of the worst feelings ever of feeling trapped in ones own body that continues to cry and cry and cry without any consolation. But God was working.
I have always considered crying to be a means of release in which the old self is washed away and allows room for new growth. It is a way to be purified, a letting go, a release of the old, dirty self.
All during this, all I wanted to do was get away. All I wanted to do was leave. All I wanted to do was go away, be by myself and just not have to deal with it all. I tried leaving church. I attempted to walk out. I paced back and forth. I kept finding myself back inside.
God certainly wanted me there. I experienced one of the most beautiful things in my life yet. I got to experience unconditional love, selflessness, and true friendship, as well as so many other things. This. This right here is what makes me so so so very thankful to belong to such a loving community. This is what inspires me to continue to strive to live for Christ and let him come within and flow out onto others around me.
As I stood there in a place where it felt as though the world were spinning, where I wanted to get away, where I just wanted everything to all end right there, God showered me with love and mercy.
Standing there, I had friends surrounding me, wanting to talk, wanting to pray, wanting me to reach out to God and let Him continue to lead my life! I know that these friends have been dealing with their own challenges. I know that they too have things pressing on their hearts. But here they were, setting their own troubles aside and lifting me up to the Lord. It brings tears of joy to my eyes to have people like this in my life.
I am not here all alone striving to reach God. I do not have to pursue God all on my own. I am not meant to be alone. I have a huge body of believers surrounding me, loving me, accepting me, encouraging me, helping me, praying for me, and just letting the light of Christ within them to shine thru onto others!
Sometimes I feel so unworthy. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a huge blessing. But then I am reminded that I am nothing without Jesus, and it is because of Him that I have been blessed with what I have.
Every day I continue to seek to live a Godly life and that Christ's light shines ever so bright from within and pours out onto many. God has used so many people to bring me closer to Him. Be it His will, I pray that He uses me as He sees fit to bring others to Him as well. In all I do, I long to do it all for the glory of my Lord, my God, my Savior!
Words are inadequate for the gratitude and love I wish to express to those in my life. I pray that God continues to pour out His blessings on each and every single one of you, near and far, whether I've met you once or see you regularly. He is working wonders through so many people and how blessed I am to be a part of such a wonderful family of believers!
What peace and joy it brings to say at the end of the day: It is all well, and I will be okay; For our God is Great!
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Pslam 23:1-3).
Friday, February 10, 2012
A Tribute to My Peers
In a world that sometimes appears to be falling apart with attacks from the enemy and people conforming to who they think others want them to be, and the completely shutting God out, I am thankful to be blessed with such Godly people in my life.
Sometimes it seems it would be so very easy to fall into the ways of the world. There is immodest dress, cussing and swearing, taking God's most holy name in vain, and the list goes on and on. These things have become so common in today's society, that when one does not take part in these things, heads are turned towards them because they stick out by being different.
While taking a stand for the Lord is not always the easiest way, it is amazing when a large group of people (in my case, young adults) take a stand and live for God.
Words cannot sum up how I feel. I love having friends and people who hardly know me, accept me and love me for who I am. There are certainly things we disagree on, but ultimately we realize that we are all on our own individual walks with the Lord seeking the ultimate truth. We encourage each other and inspire each other and love each other for who we are.
These people have been such a huge blessing in my life. It has truly been refreshing to spend quality time with people my own age who want to build me up; not tear me down. I love you all possibly more then you will ever know!!
Because of all you, I have learned so much more about my faith and my relationship with God has grown so much stronger!
I was just reflecting on where I was a year ago. I am just amazed at where I am today. I am so thankful that God has been working in my life and that He continues to do so by using all of you!!!
Again, it is just so so so beautiful to have such amazing people in my life. Whether I have known you for years, or just met you last night, you have all played such a huge, important role in the deepening of my faith and hope.
Never change. Yes, keep growing and continuing to let God transform you into whom He want you to be, but never, ever let your gaze wander from the wonderful gifts that He has for you! It is so rewarding to be so close to God and live life solely for Him.
I love where I am in life and I know that God has placed all of you in my life to help propel me forward, bringing me closer to Him!
You all are absolutely amazing and I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that God blesses you all richly and that you always keep your focus on the Good Lord and seek first and foremost the kingdom of God!
† God Bless Y'all Forever! †
Sometimes it seems it would be so very easy to fall into the ways of the world. There is immodest dress, cussing and swearing, taking God's most holy name in vain, and the list goes on and on. These things have become so common in today's society, that when one does not take part in these things, heads are turned towards them because they stick out by being different.
While taking a stand for the Lord is not always the easiest way, it is amazing when a large group of people (in my case, young adults) take a stand and live for God.
Words cannot sum up how I feel. I love having friends and people who hardly know me, accept me and love me for who I am. There are certainly things we disagree on, but ultimately we realize that we are all on our own individual walks with the Lord seeking the ultimate truth. We encourage each other and inspire each other and love each other for who we are.
These people have been such a huge blessing in my life. It has truly been refreshing to spend quality time with people my own age who want to build me up; not tear me down. I love you all possibly more then you will ever know!!
Because of all you, I have learned so much more about my faith and my relationship with God has grown so much stronger!
I was just reflecting on where I was a year ago. I am just amazed at where I am today. I am so thankful that God has been working in my life and that He continues to do so by using all of you!!!
Again, it is just so so so beautiful to have such amazing people in my life. Whether I have known you for years, or just met you last night, you have all played such a huge, important role in the deepening of my faith and hope.
Never change. Yes, keep growing and continuing to let God transform you into whom He want you to be, but never, ever let your gaze wander from the wonderful gifts that He has for you! It is so rewarding to be so close to God and live life solely for Him.
I love where I am in life and I know that God has placed all of you in my life to help propel me forward, bringing me closer to Him!
You all are absolutely amazing and I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that God blesses you all richly and that you always keep your focus on the Good Lord and seek first and foremost the kingdom of God!
† God Bless Y'all Forever! †
Monday, February 6, 2012
"Be still, and know that I am God"
My own little world. My own little world is where I seem to have been lately. As the world about me twists and turns, I have once again attempted to go back to my comfort zone. I feel as though there has been back sliding and standing still. I constantly ask God to "please tell me where I am to go next..." and the answer has been to "stay still."
Stay still. Meaning not forward, neither backwards. Yet walls have been wanting to be rebuilt. Going back to what I once knew sounds so refreshing. Though every time I try to live as I once did, chaos and confusion entails.
Again, I must stay still.
A friend just gave me some great advice the other night. It was when I feel anxious or overly excited/jumpy/nervous/etc., to sit back and close my eyes and remind myself of God's words: "Be still, and know that I am God."
I feel as though there is a specific place I need to be in life before the next blessing that I want will be given to me. Sometimes life just seems so complicated. Sometimes there are more questions then they are answers. My mind (or would it be my heart?) knows that God is holding me and that He is taking care of my every want, need, desire, and every single thing in between! Yet there is still a longing to be in control. There is a want to know where my life is headed and when I will get what I want. I continue to strive for humility and patience. I want to be the woman that God wants me to be.
I want to have peace and hope in the Lord. I want to have complete faith and trust. I want to be worry free.
Lately, I have withdrawn from many of my closest friends. There is a sense of aimless wandering trying to find out where I am and who I am and where I am to go. Again, I do know that I am a daughter of God and that God is taking care of me every single moment of my life. My identity should be found in Christ.
I have my seasons. I have had my moments, days, weeks, where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was directing my paths and that everything I did, said, etc was for His greater glory.
Now, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to say what is right. I want to speak the words that God places upon my heart to say. Yet sometimes I, myself, am unsure of what wants to come out.
Then there are times when I speak and all it does is leave the other person completely silent; the conversation killed.
I have been striving for several years now not to let others persuade the way I feel, think, act. Just because someone does not agree with me, it should not hinder me from speaking what God has placed upon my heart. I seek to find the balance of knowing when to speak when needed, and when to remain silent when needed, as well. That meaning, just because I know something, or believe something, or think something, does not automatically mean it needs to be said. Also, I cannot just let things be said without speaking up if I don't agree with them; no more standing in the sideline and nodding my head with something I don't like just to keep the peace. I want to be respectful and respected. I want to speak with grace and peace. I want to be so convicted in the truths that God has revealed to me that I can openly share them with others around me.
I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me. But as Saint Paul said: "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some" (1 Corinthians 9:22). By my being the woman that God wants me to be, I can lead souls to Christ.
Stay still. Meaning not forward, neither backwards. Yet walls have been wanting to be rebuilt. Going back to what I once knew sounds so refreshing. Though every time I try to live as I once did, chaos and confusion entails.
Again, I must stay still.
A friend just gave me some great advice the other night. It was when I feel anxious or overly excited/jumpy/nervous/etc., to sit back and close my eyes and remind myself of God's words: "Be still, and know that I am God."
I feel as though there is a specific place I need to be in life before the next blessing that I want will be given to me. Sometimes life just seems so complicated. Sometimes there are more questions then they are answers. My mind (or would it be my heart?) knows that God is holding me and that He is taking care of my every want, need, desire, and every single thing in between! Yet there is still a longing to be in control. There is a want to know where my life is headed and when I will get what I want. I continue to strive for humility and patience. I want to be the woman that God wants me to be.
I want to have peace and hope in the Lord. I want to have complete faith and trust. I want to be worry free.
Lately, I have withdrawn from many of my closest friends. There is a sense of aimless wandering trying to find out where I am and who I am and where I am to go. Again, I do know that I am a daughter of God and that God is taking care of me every single moment of my life. My identity should be found in Christ.
I have my seasons. I have had my moments, days, weeks, where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was directing my paths and that everything I did, said, etc was for His greater glory.
Now, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to say what is right. I want to speak the words that God places upon my heart to say. Yet sometimes I, myself, am unsure of what wants to come out.
Then there are times when I speak and all it does is leave the other person completely silent; the conversation killed.
I have been striving for several years now not to let others persuade the way I feel, think, act. Just because someone does not agree with me, it should not hinder me from speaking what God has placed upon my heart. I seek to find the balance of knowing when to speak when needed, and when to remain silent when needed, as well. That meaning, just because I know something, or believe something, or think something, does not automatically mean it needs to be said. Also, I cannot just let things be said without speaking up if I don't agree with them; no more standing in the sideline and nodding my head with something I don't like just to keep the peace. I want to be respectful and respected. I want to speak with grace and peace. I want to be so convicted in the truths that God has revealed to me that I can openly share them with others around me.
I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me. But as Saint Paul said: "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some" (1 Corinthians 9:22). By my being the woman that God wants me to be, I can lead souls to Christ.
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