Blessings

So much seems to be coming at me as of lately. If it is not one thing, then it is another. Sometimes I can get so focused on the unpleasant, that while I know the good exists, I don't exactly embrace it.

I can have an absolutely amazing day (and despite what I may say in a moment contrary to amazing, all my days are amazing for God is good!) but one small thing that is indeed quite small, sets me off. One thing that is contrary to the norm can send me spiraling downward into place that I want to avoid.

Most of the time, I cannot exactly place what has happened, and then there are those times when i can say exactly what it was, but at the same time, sometimes these things that set me off are so gosh darn small, that they are more then likely "the straw that broke the camels back." Recently, I had one of my more unpleasant breakdowns. It was one small thing. Someone was probably thinking that they were performing some act of kindness without realizing that they were doing something that brings me such joy. How can I fault them for that? I cannot and do not. Because of what was done, it opened the door for God to work in such a mysterious, amazing, beautiful way.

Again and again, I am amazed and thankful to be blessed with such extraordinary people in my life. I could not pull myself together. Just as I was calm and able to participate in praise and worship, the tears came flooding again. and again. and again. I wanted it to end. That is one of the worst feelings ever of feeling trapped in ones own body that continues to cry and cry and cry without any consolation. But God was working.

I have always considered crying to be a means of release in which the old self is washed away and allows room for new growth. It is a way to be purified, a letting go, a release of the old, dirty self.

All during this, all I wanted to do was get away. All I wanted to do was leave. All I wanted to do was go away, be by myself and just not have to deal with it all. I tried leaving church. I attempted to walk out. I paced back and forth. I kept finding myself back inside.

God certainly wanted me there. I experienced one of the most beautiful things in my life yet. I got to experience unconditional love, selflessness, and true friendship, as well as so many other things. This. This right here is what makes me so so so very thankful to belong to such a loving community. This is what inspires me to continue to strive to live for Christ and let him come within and flow out onto others around me.

As I stood there in a place where it felt as though the world were spinning, where I wanted to get away, where I just wanted everything to all end right there, God showered me with love and mercy.

Standing there, I had friends surrounding me, wanting to talk, wanting to pray, wanting me to reach out to God and let Him continue to lead my life! I know that these friends have been dealing with their own challenges. I know that they too have things pressing on their hearts. But here they were, setting their own troubles aside and lifting me up to the Lord. It brings tears of joy to my eyes to have people like this in my life. 

I am not here all alone striving to reach God. I do not have to pursue God all on my own. I am not meant to be alone. I have a huge body of believers surrounding me, loving me, accepting me, encouraging me, helping me, praying for me, and just letting the light of Christ within them to shine thru onto others!

Sometimes I feel so unworthy. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a huge blessing. But then I am reminded that I am nothing without Jesus, and it is because of Him that I have been blessed with what I have.

Every day I continue to seek to live a Godly life and that Christ's light shines ever so bright from within and pours out onto many. God has used so many people to bring me closer to Him. Be it His will, I pray that He uses me as He sees fit to bring others to Him as well. In all I do, I long to do it all for the glory of my Lord, my God, my Savior!

Words are inadequate for the gratitude and love I wish to express to those in my life. I pray that God continues to pour out His blessings on each and every single one of you, near and far, whether I've met you once or see you regularly. He is working wonders through so many people and how blessed I am to be a part of such a wonderful family of believers!

What peace and joy it brings to say at the end of the day: It is all well, and I will be okay; For our God is Great!

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Pslam 23:1-3).