"Be still, and know that I am God"

My own little world. My own little world is where I seem to have been lately. As the world about me twists and turns, I have once again attempted to go back to my comfort zone. I feel as though there has been back sliding and standing still. I constantly ask God to "please tell me where I am to go next..." and the answer has been to "stay still."

Stay still. Meaning not forward, neither backwards. Yet walls have been wanting to be rebuilt. Going back to what I once knew sounds so refreshing. Though every time I try to live as I once did, chaos and confusion entails.

Again, I must stay still.

A friend just gave me some great advice the other night. It was when I feel anxious or overly excited/jumpy/nervous/etc., to sit back and close my eyes and remind myself of God's words: "Be still, and know that I am God."

I feel as though there is a specific place I need to be in life before the next blessing that I want will be given to me. Sometimes life just seems so complicated. Sometimes there are more questions then they are answers. My mind (or would it be my heart?) knows that God is holding me and that He is taking care of my every want, need, desire, and every single thing in between! Yet there is still a longing to be in control. There is a want to know where my life is headed and when I will get what I want. I continue to strive for humility and patience. I want to be the woman that God wants me to be.

I want to have peace and hope in the Lord. I want to have complete faith and trust. I want to be worry free.

Lately, I have withdrawn from many of my closest friends. There is a sense of aimless wandering trying to find out where I am and who I am and where I am to go. Again, I do know that I am a daughter of God and that God is taking care of me every single moment of my life. My identity should be found in Christ.

I have my seasons. I have had my moments, days, weeks, where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was directing my paths and that everything I did, said, etc was for His greater glory.

Now, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to say what is right. I want to speak the words that God places upon my heart to say. Yet sometimes I, myself, am unsure of what wants to come out.

Then there are times when I speak and all it does is leave the other person completely silent; the conversation killed.

I have been striving for several years now not to let others persuade the way I feel, think, act. Just because someone does not agree with me, it should not hinder me from speaking what God has placed upon my heart. I seek to find the balance of knowing when to speak when needed, and when to remain silent when needed, as well. That meaning, just because I know something, or believe something, or think something, does not automatically mean it needs to be said. Also, I cannot just let things be said without speaking up if I don't agree with them; no more standing in the sideline and nodding my head with something I don't like just to keep the peace. I want to be respectful and respected. I want to speak with grace and peace. I want to be so convicted in the truths that God has revealed to me that I can openly share them with others around me.

I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me. But as Saint Paul said: "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some" (1 Corinthians 9:22). By my being the woman that God wants me to be, I can lead souls to Christ.