An Unbalanced Balance

A balance. A balance. It is all a balance. Balance balance balance. It seems to be all that I have been reminding myself of lately. This is a balance. That is a balance. It is all just a balance of this or of that or this in addition to that or this and that. But w h a t exactly is balance, and what exactly do I need to balance? How will balance help me? How will I benefit from any type of balance? Oh, not to mention all the balance that is talked about in the art world.

What happens because of unbalance? Upset, chaos, uneasiness, unrest, no peace, craziness, and so on and so forth.

What needs to be balanced? What doesn't need to be balanced?

Life seems to be in a state of unbalance right now. One area just got way too much put on it and all of a sudden, teeter-tottering all around.

Such a strange feeling of feeling all jumbled up inside yet having the peace of the Holy Spirit surrounding me.

Sometimes just so much gets thrown this direction. Sometimes it is caught, sometimes it is dodged, other times it smacks smack dab in between the eyes.

For many months I have heard the phrase "Don't thank me, thank God." And for months it struck the nerve "But you have free will! You choose daily to surrender your own will to do God's Will for you life!" Or something quite similar. Then I read something. For the life of me can I remember? Nope. All I know is that is planted a seed that took immediate root. I had a different attitude towards it. It no longer struck that nerve. It now struck the "Wow, I would love to surrender to God that much that I recognize that 'it is not me, but God who lives inside me.'" 

Weeks later now, I am reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan (ok, well listening to the audio book). All I can say is wow. I am just over three-quarters of the way through it within 2 days and it has seriously changed my life for the better. Honestly, it has not taught me more then what I already knew, it has just phrased it in such an awesome way that it struck me in a most positive way. This book is so strongly focused on the Holy Spirit within our lives.

Even tonight as there is unbalance, there is such peace of being surrounded by the Holy Spirit. That moment of being chilled and shivering although it is a blazing 70 some degrees in the house here. That moment of being okay with what is happening in life. That realization that God holds me in the palm of His hands and holds me close to Him. That realization that God knows me and is looking upon me with love saying "Yes, Catherine, yes you. I love you."

Balance. Balance comes from God. In any of my past vain attempts to take life into my own hands it has resulted in severe unbalance. Every time I crawl back to God. Every time I surrender my life to Him again. Again and again. He never tires. He always welcomes me with open arms. God balances my life. He knows what to give me to make me smile, He knows what to give me to make me speechless, He knows that to give me to take me outside my comfort zone. He knows how to comfort. He knows how to love. He knows me through and through. He knows when I am happy, sad, angry, hurt, crying. He gives me the graces to get thru every single life event. God balances my life. again. and again. always.

I used to say "God is my center and everything revolves around Him." I have since changed that to "God is my everything and all I do includes Him." I pray I can live up to that motto.