Wow. Another year over, what have I done? Maybe it should be more like "what haven't I done?"
What an amazing year 2011 has been! I am just amazed when I look back at where I was a year ago. This year has been filled with great things and not so great things. There are regrets and there are moments that I wish I could relieve. There are moments of great joy and moments that brought deep pain. But all the good, and all the "bad" have shaped me into whom I am today as I joyfully enter 2012!!!
Some of 2011 blessings and highlights:
January:
• Started my first semester ever of college
April:
• Ended my first semester of college with a 4.0 GPA!
June:
• Dad and I bought a house and moved into an absolutely wonderful neighborhood!
• Began attending the college group (where I have since meet some of my bestest friends ever (and more friends through them!)
• Planted a stake deep in the ground for Jesus!!! And it has only gone deeper!
July:
• Completely off anti-depressants and continue to be!
• 4th of July. Never ever going to forget that wonderful night of fellowship, first try at swing dancing, fireworks on the crowded pearl street bridge and just chilling on the front porch meeting new people.
• First time serving the homeless!
• Began the wonderful adventure of getting to know an amazing individual in a special way.... in which I learned (and continue to learn) so so so so so much! Not only about myself, and the other individual, but about God, relationships centered around God, what it is to actually love.... just to name a few. :)
August:
• Celebrated my birthday and one of my closest friend's birthday!
• First time all year of having 19 whole days in a row off from college! (First and only time of the year if you count it by calender year seeing as while I have 4 weeks off now, I only got from the 14th to the 31st) LOL
September:
• Labor Day cookout and a lovely talk learning more about God and Jesus and a walk around admiring God's beauty among us!
October:
• Halloween parties! :D :D :D
November:
• Finally joined a church after nearly 5 months of attending!
December:
• Christmas!
• Christmas parties!
• Giving gifts!
• Dad's birthday
• A little more about "letting go and letting God" ...
• Being able to confidently share Jesus and my belief in Him with others!
• New Years' Eve! And my dear friends birthday and party and just having close friends here with me at this very minute! What a way to end a year and start a new one!!
This is just a very, very short list, but it is what comes to mind on this wonderful night! <3
I am so blessed beyond words and I say it all the time, but I seriously don't know if any of y'all will e v e r truly know how much I deeply care about you and love you all.
God has placed you all in my life for a reason, and I pray that through the gift of y'all, I can continue to build my relationship with God, as well as all of you too!
As I said one year ago: 2010 has been a wonderful year and has laid much ground work for 2011 to be even better. How true that was! And I say this: 2011 was an absolutely amazing year! I am excited to see what God has planned for me and where He is leading me! I pray that I continue to have complete faith and continue to surrender and I continue on my journey!
A big thanks to all of you who have impacted my life in so many ways! Whether I told you or not .... but the chances are... you've inspired me in at least one way. :)
God Bless you all this exciting night! Stay safe!
Peace out 2011!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Now that that is done, what's next?
The decking the halls is over.
The fa la la la-ing has come to an end.
Radio stations resume their "normal" music (though some may be continuing through tomorrow).
Family gathered and goes back to the working world tomorrow (or Tuesday).
Gifts have been given and received.
Christmas cards have been mailed.
Family photos were taken.
What now? But of course, how could we forget shopping? Tomorrow is, I believe, the second largest shopping day of the year. Stores open back up at around 6 in the morning. Sales begin. Good bargains and good treasures.
But wait! None of that is what Christmas is even about!
Driving home tonight, it kinda dawned on me: Now that Christmas has come and (almost) gone, what is next?
We start decking the halls and preparing our world for Christmas nearly 2 months before the actual day. Christmas comes, and then it is just gone. There is this huge bustle and pressure to "be prepared and ready" for Christmas. We frantically fill out cards and buy gifts for our loved ones. We give more generously to the people standing outside the stores collecting change. We greet and smile at people more. There is a feeling of joy going around. There is a great preparation for the big day! We get so caught up in what the world makes Christmas to be, that we forget the real meaning of Christmas.
Christmas should not be limited to "just today" or "just this season." Christmas is the birth of Christ! He is the core of all Christian's faith! He is the reason we get up in the morning. He is the reason we are forgiven. It is His blood that has redeemed us. It is His blood that allows us to give and to receive, to gather with friends and family. To celebrate this holy season!
Tomorrow we go back to daily routine. We may wait out the 12 days of Christmas and then take down Christmas decorations, or we may already have the tree taken down and out on the curb. Whatever it may be, keep the spirit of Christmas alive in your heart all year long! Just because Christmas is over, does not mean that we forgot. We still live out the Christian faith by our actions-- what we do all year long!
I want to know this in my heart. I don't just want it to be something my lips say, but I want it to be evident in my daily life! This has been something on my heart for quite some time, but have never really understood until right now. My friends have often laughed with me as I walk down the street in the middle of July whistling and singing Christmas carols. There is something so uplifting and freeing about Christmas. It is Jesus!!!
I go forward with the love of Christ within me! I want to spread the joy of the Lord to everyone I meet. Not just today. Not just this time of year. Not just because I feel that I should. But I want to because that is what Jesus wants me to do ... all year long. So as I go forth singing Christmas carols for the next year, even in the heat of summer, it is just a singing out of thanksgiving for the birth of our Lord and Savior! I am so thankful for the babe born and laid in a manger. Born lowly of low. Humbled before all. Who came and died so we can all live! <3
So I deck the halls in joyful preparation of the coming of the Lord and leave it up to continue the celebration of that wonderful night!
For today is the birthday of Jesus! I want to proclaim the the birth of my Lord and give glory to God forevermore!
The fa la la la-ing has come to an end.
Radio stations resume their "normal" music (though some may be continuing through tomorrow).
Family gathered and goes back to the working world tomorrow (or Tuesday).
Gifts have been given and received.
Christmas cards have been mailed.
Family photos were taken.
What now? But of course, how could we forget shopping? Tomorrow is, I believe, the second largest shopping day of the year. Stores open back up at around 6 in the morning. Sales begin. Good bargains and good treasures.
But wait! None of that is what Christmas is even about!
Driving home tonight, it kinda dawned on me: Now that Christmas has come and (almost) gone, what is next?
We start decking the halls and preparing our world for Christmas nearly 2 months before the actual day. Christmas comes, and then it is just gone. There is this huge bustle and pressure to "be prepared and ready" for Christmas. We frantically fill out cards and buy gifts for our loved ones. We give more generously to the people standing outside the stores collecting change. We greet and smile at people more. There is a feeling of joy going around. There is a great preparation for the big day! We get so caught up in what the world makes Christmas to be, that we forget the real meaning of Christmas.
Christmas should not be limited to "just today" or "just this season." Christmas is the birth of Christ! He is the core of all Christian's faith! He is the reason we get up in the morning. He is the reason we are forgiven. It is His blood that has redeemed us. It is His blood that allows us to give and to receive, to gather with friends and family. To celebrate this holy season!
Tomorrow we go back to daily routine. We may wait out the 12 days of Christmas and then take down Christmas decorations, or we may already have the tree taken down and out on the curb. Whatever it may be, keep the spirit of Christmas alive in your heart all year long! Just because Christmas is over, does not mean that we forgot. We still live out the Christian faith by our actions-- what we do all year long!
I want to know this in my heart. I don't just want it to be something my lips say, but I want it to be evident in my daily life! This has been something on my heart for quite some time, but have never really understood until right now. My friends have often laughed with me as I walk down the street in the middle of July whistling and singing Christmas carols. There is something so uplifting and freeing about Christmas. It is Jesus!!!
I go forward with the love of Christ within me! I want to spread the joy of the Lord to everyone I meet. Not just today. Not just this time of year. Not just because I feel that I should. But I want to because that is what Jesus wants me to do ... all year long. So as I go forth singing Christmas carols for the next year, even in the heat of summer, it is just a singing out of thanksgiving for the birth of our Lord and Savior! I am so thankful for the babe born and laid in a manger. Born lowly of low. Humbled before all. Who came and died so we can all live! <3
So I deck the halls in joyful preparation of the coming of the Lord and leave it up to continue the celebration of that wonderful night!
For today is the birthday of Jesus! I want to proclaim the the birth of my Lord and give glory to God forevermore!
Today is "not just another day"
As Christmas Day was quickly approaching, I began wishing that I had not volunteered to work it. I longed to go to church with my momma and sisters. I longed to go there for breakfast and open gifts together and just have family time. And if I could not do that, I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to make a special breakfast for/with my dad seeing that today is also his birthday. I wanted to just sit back and relax and do nothing, have nothing pressing to do, have no obligations; basically just be lazy.
I began convincing myself that Christmas "is just another day" and that I can work and that that would be that. "Just pretend that it is any other Sunday" I would tell myself. But that just did not settle well with me.
Eventually, I remembered to surrender to God. I need to have that unwavering faith and trust in the Good Lord that everything is happening exactly as He has willed for my life.
What I have learned these past 2 days, is that worrying and regret and trying to stay in control of the situation accomplish nothing. I had the most amazing Christmas Eve! I woke up and my little sisters let me know that they were coming over. While I already had plans, I was beyond thrilled that my dad would be able to spend time with them! I met a friend for coffee and we had such a lovely conversation! I went home and finished making the pot roast for dad's birthday dinner. We ate then just kind of chilled until we started getting ready for church at 8ish. We knew that we needed to get there early; for exactly as anticipated, the church was practically packed by just before 10 (and people were still filing in!). Afterwards, Pastor told us that there were books they were giving out as Christmas gifts. I already had one, but picked up the new one. When we got home close to midnight (as after Mass we drive around and looked at Christmas lights) we drank ginger ale and watched some tv. By 12:30 we were both (almost) ready for bed.
5:30a.m. came way too fast, but I at least made it to work on-time. While my client was still in bed, I bgan reading the book that I got last night from church (Confessions of a Mega Church Pastor: How I discovered the Hidden Treasures of the Catholic Church by Allen Hunt). As soon as I started reading it, all these thoughts came flooding to me and I had the mindset that everyone else needs to read this book; it is just that good. I read through the first couple pages then had to put it down. It dawned on me that this time to read the book and the message the book has is for me at this point. That is not to say that others won't benefit from it, but I cannot read the book with the focus and hope and mindset that someone else will have my same reaction. I asked God to help me realize that the lesson that this book has for me; not what lesson I think it has for anyone else.
I picked up the book and continued reading. I read pages 1-126 in less then 7 hours (which also includes working). The approach Allen uses is so beautiful. He is one of the first people I have come across who comes off so un-biased. He makes a claim, he strongly supports his claim and it is obvious where he stands. What makes me say beautiful and unbiased is the fast that he was a well known senior pastor at a Methodist church. He slowly but surely became Catholic, but when he stepped down from the role of senior pastor, he helped the new pastor transition in easily. How easy it would have been for him to say he no longer believed as them and just turned on his heel and went his merry way? What he did was just beautiful to me.
This is not one of the books that is only read once. Once I finish up the last 15 pages then read the short appendix, I will read it again.
Today has been a day of learning. I am thankful for this opportunity. For if I was not working, I more then likely never would have picked up that book. And even if I had, I never would have put as much time into reading it as I have the past 7 hours.
I have many more questions. More things have come up. But this book had just proven again to me that I need an undying faith and trust and hope in the Lord. There are some points of the book that I am still allowing God to work on within me, but there are just so so so many good aspects of this book! I do highly recommend it! It is not a book saying that one has to become Catholic, it is just one man's strong faith in the Lord and the journey he was on. He goes through some of the hardships him and his wife faced, the medical problems they encountered as well as even when it seemed hopeless, God is still good!
A day that I once wished would be just another day, has proven to be crucial in my growth and faith and walk with God!
I wish all my family and friends the most wonderful of day filled will exuberant joy! For today is the celebration of the birth of Our Lord and Savior! What a beautiful day it is indeed!!!! :D
Merry Christmas- from my web browser to Yours. <3
I began convincing myself that Christmas "is just another day" and that I can work and that that would be that. "Just pretend that it is any other Sunday" I would tell myself. But that just did not settle well with me.
Eventually, I remembered to surrender to God. I need to have that unwavering faith and trust in the Good Lord that everything is happening exactly as He has willed for my life.
What I have learned these past 2 days, is that worrying and regret and trying to stay in control of the situation accomplish nothing. I had the most amazing Christmas Eve! I woke up and my little sisters let me know that they were coming over. While I already had plans, I was beyond thrilled that my dad would be able to spend time with them! I met a friend for coffee and we had such a lovely conversation! I went home and finished making the pot roast for dad's birthday dinner. We ate then just kind of chilled until we started getting ready for church at 8ish. We knew that we needed to get there early; for exactly as anticipated, the church was practically packed by just before 10 (and people were still filing in!). Afterwards, Pastor told us that there were books they were giving out as Christmas gifts. I already had one, but picked up the new one. When we got home close to midnight (as after Mass we drive around and looked at Christmas lights) we drank ginger ale and watched some tv. By 12:30 we were both (almost) ready for bed.
5:30a.m. came way too fast, but I at least made it to work on-time. While my client was still in bed, I bgan reading the book that I got last night from church (Confessions of a Mega Church Pastor: How I discovered the Hidden Treasures of the Catholic Church by Allen Hunt). As soon as I started reading it, all these thoughts came flooding to me and I had the mindset that everyone else needs to read this book; it is just that good. I read through the first couple pages then had to put it down. It dawned on me that this time to read the book and the message the book has is for me at this point. That is not to say that others won't benefit from it, but I cannot read the book with the focus and hope and mindset that someone else will have my same reaction. I asked God to help me realize that the lesson that this book has for me; not what lesson I think it has for anyone else.
I picked up the book and continued reading. I read pages 1-126 in less then 7 hours (which also includes working). The approach Allen uses is so beautiful. He is one of the first people I have come across who comes off so un-biased. He makes a claim, he strongly supports his claim and it is obvious where he stands. What makes me say beautiful and unbiased is the fast that he was a well known senior pastor at a Methodist church. He slowly but surely became Catholic, but when he stepped down from the role of senior pastor, he helped the new pastor transition in easily. How easy it would have been for him to say he no longer believed as them and just turned on his heel and went his merry way? What he did was just beautiful to me.
This is not one of the books that is only read once. Once I finish up the last 15 pages then read the short appendix, I will read it again.
Today has been a day of learning. I am thankful for this opportunity. For if I was not working, I more then likely never would have picked up that book. And even if I had, I never would have put as much time into reading it as I have the past 7 hours.
I have many more questions. More things have come up. But this book had just proven again to me that I need an undying faith and trust and hope in the Lord. There are some points of the book that I am still allowing God to work on within me, but there are just so so so many good aspects of this book! I do highly recommend it! It is not a book saying that one has to become Catholic, it is just one man's strong faith in the Lord and the journey he was on. He goes through some of the hardships him and his wife faced, the medical problems they encountered as well as even when it seemed hopeless, God is still good!
A day that I once wished would be just another day, has proven to be crucial in my growth and faith and walk with God!
I wish all my family and friends the most wonderful of day filled will exuberant joy! For today is the celebration of the birth of Our Lord and Savior! What a beautiful day it is indeed!!!! :D
Merry Christmas- from my web browser to Yours. <3
Friday, December 23, 2011
Only human...
So often as I was growing up I have looked at people and thought they they really have life figured out and really have their life together. Sometimes I long for what they have. Sometimes I want to be like them. I think that even if one day I can obtain half their greatness, then I have lived a good life.
I have mostly outgrown this, but still find myself struggling with it every now and again.
Decisions I make are based off from what I think someone else wants to hear, or what they want to see. I don't answer with the knowledge I have because I am afraid that someone might tell me what I am wrong. I don't say what is on my mind because there is still fear that someone will be driven away. After everything I have learned this past summer, there is a feeling of being right back at square one.
The more research I do to learn more about this walk of life I am on, I am learning and seeing that we all fall short. We are all human, prone to weakness. Prone to short comings and failings and fallings. If we don't experience being "at rock bottom" at least once in our life, we are extremely blessed and fortunate. All those people that I look at and see them happy all of the time, the people I look at and long to have just a small portion of their happiness, the people I see who have it all together and submit everything they are and long to be to God.... they are by no means perfect. An excellent example, yes. They, too, have gone through their fair share of hardships and struggles. They too have gone through mental battles where they didn't know where they stood and had to make a decision as to what they felt God was calling them. Even to this day they still have struggles.
Since I declared this past summer that I am living my life for God and submitting my everything to Him, I have felt this huge burden that I must be perfect. That I must always be happy. That I can never let anyone see my weaknesses. That I cannot make myself look bad, for if I do, that will take away all of the hard work that I have allowed God to do within me. And the list goes on and on.
That could no be farther from the truth. I AM human, and I do make mistakes, and I do and will fall short of living my life for the greater glory of God! All these weeks of having this "weight of perfection" on my heart, I have finally given it over to God, for God has granted me this realization that I do not have to be perfect. He knows I have a sinful nature, but He loves me anyways! All He asks is that I try my best and continue to get to know Him, love Him and serve Him. He has such unconditional love for me-- for You!
With people looking up to me, I felt that I was expected to fit into a perfect mold. That the person I have become would be defiled if I fell back into a weakness of the old me.
Back in September, I received this message from a dear, dear friend:
"In light of my previous (Facebook) wall post, I realized something rather important, and wanted to tell you. Basically, I wanted to say that you've come such a long way, and though I know our stories are very different, we were effected in a few similar ways. I don't know that I could have gotten to where I am now, if you hadn't been one step ahead of me all the way (and still are!) showing me where to go and how to get there. So, thank you. (:"
I was honored. It was one of the first times anyone had approached me and told me that they saw God's Hand working in me and transforming my life. Just where I had been and where I had gotten to by September 24, 2011!
For the next 3 months I continued (and continue) to let God work within me and shape and mold me into the person He wants me to be. I didn't let these kind works get to my head and make me think that my journey was over. For in all reality, my journey has just began and will last my lifetime. I never ever want to stop learning and growing!
Life has certainly not been all peaches and cream lately. I can see my growth because when something does not go *my way* I can see my reliance on God and I go to Him for my strength, instead of relying on another human for it. As in the past, there would have been a huge dramatic flare up and a dwelling in self pity for who knows how long.
This growth became apparent to me, when I posted this Facebook status after a rather emotional, trying night where I was anything but graceful or humble as well as countless other things... and then a dear, dear sweetheart and I began messaging each other.
I have mostly outgrown this, but still find myself struggling with it every now and again.
Decisions I make are based off from what I think someone else wants to hear, or what they want to see. I don't answer with the knowledge I have because I am afraid that someone might tell me what I am wrong. I don't say what is on my mind because there is still fear that someone will be driven away. After everything I have learned this past summer, there is a feeling of being right back at square one.
The more research I do to learn more about this walk of life I am on, I am learning and seeing that we all fall short. We are all human, prone to weakness. Prone to short comings and failings and fallings. If we don't experience being "at rock bottom" at least once in our life, we are extremely blessed and fortunate. All those people that I look at and see them happy all of the time, the people I look at and long to have just a small portion of their happiness, the people I see who have it all together and submit everything they are and long to be to God.... they are by no means perfect. An excellent example, yes. They, too, have gone through their fair share of hardships and struggles. They too have gone through mental battles where they didn't know where they stood and had to make a decision as to what they felt God was calling them. Even to this day they still have struggles.
Since I declared this past summer that I am living my life for God and submitting my everything to Him, I have felt this huge burden that I must be perfect. That I must always be happy. That I can never let anyone see my weaknesses. That I cannot make myself look bad, for if I do, that will take away all of the hard work that I have allowed God to do within me. And the list goes on and on.
That could no be farther from the truth. I AM human, and I do make mistakes, and I do and will fall short of living my life for the greater glory of God! All these weeks of having this "weight of perfection" on my heart, I have finally given it over to God, for God has granted me this realization that I do not have to be perfect. He knows I have a sinful nature, but He loves me anyways! All He asks is that I try my best and continue to get to know Him, love Him and serve Him. He has such unconditional love for me-- for You!
With people looking up to me, I felt that I was expected to fit into a perfect mold. That the person I have become would be defiled if I fell back into a weakness of the old me.
Back in September, I received this message from a dear, dear friend:
"In light of my previous (Facebook) wall post, I realized something rather important, and wanted to tell you. Basically, I wanted to say that you've come such a long way, and though I know our stories are very different, we were effected in a few similar ways. I don't know that I could have gotten to where I am now, if you hadn't been one step ahead of me all the way (and still are!) showing me where to go and how to get there. So, thank you. (:"
I was honored. It was one of the first times anyone had approached me and told me that they saw God's Hand working in me and transforming my life. Just where I had been and where I had gotten to by September 24, 2011!
For the next 3 months I continued (and continue) to let God work within me and shape and mold me into the person He wants me to be. I didn't let these kind works get to my head and make me think that my journey was over. For in all reality, my journey has just began and will last my lifetime. I never ever want to stop learning and growing!
Life has certainly not been all peaches and cream lately. I can see my growth because when something does not go *my way* I can see my reliance on God and I go to Him for my strength, instead of relying on another human for it. As in the past, there would have been a huge dramatic flare up and a dwelling in self pity for who knows how long.
This growth became apparent to me, when I posted this Facebook status after a rather emotional, trying night where I was anything but graceful or humble as well as countless other things... and then a dear, dear sweetheart and I began messaging each other.
My status:
"Doing what must be done certainly is not easy. Especially when it involves good byes. Here's to having unwavering faith in the Good Lord upstairs to continue to hold us close to Him and bless our lives so very richly indeed. Here's to learning new words and having inside jokes and learning more what love actually is and dancing and prasing God in the rain!. Every tear shed is washing away the old self, allowing for new growth! Thanking God for everything He has revealed to me thru this experience! No ammount of words can sum it up. Amen."
After receiving virtual hugs and prayers, I responded:
"The prayers are MUCHO appreciated! I know God has a plan. Just stepping out and having faith.... I know it will be rewarded. All of my prayers are being answered. Not exactly as I wished, but years from now I will look back on this and see God's ever present hand in it all."
What brought tears to me eyes what this reply:
"You are such an incredible woman. I don't know that I've ever met anyone as brave and as trusting as you. Really. One day, I wish to have acquired even a little bit of those qualities from watching you along your own journeys."
That. That right there. I had to reread it. I have never been told anything like that about myself before. It was everything in others that I admired, but never ever saw within myself. I literally got down on my knees and thanked God for working in me. For opening my heart to receive Him. For opening the eyes and hearts of others to let Him work in their lives. For allowing me to be the tool that He is using to bring others closer to Him. How beautiful!
It has been through God's grace alone (which includes all of you wonderful people in my life offering encouragement and support) that I have been able to keep my faith, hope, and trust in Him. I know I will have moments of weakness. I know I will have moments where I am just human. I know there will be short comings, and many, many other things. I am by no means perfect. I am human. I cannot live up to any standards that anyone has set for me, because in all honesty, I strive to live up to God's standards. I fall short of His glory. I am selfish and want what I want despite God telling me no. I sin and can be stubborn. But God loves me anyway.
As I said to my dear friend (still the same one I have been quoting): "I am tring to stay positive. I know there will be moments of weakness, but it is in those moments that God is working in me and making me stronger."
Her reply... so simple, so sweet, so true:
"I totally understand. (: I know that you'll be able to get through everything, and come out better than you were before."
With God's grace alone, I can fulfill the perfect plan He has for me. I know He has something wonderful in store for me. I pray that God continues to grant me patience. And that He continues to bless me with such amazing people in my life. You are all such a joy to have in my life. You are all such an enormous blessing to me. A bigger blessing than any one of you will ever know. I cherish you all and pray that you grow closer to God and seek first and foremost the kingdom of God. None of us are perfect. All we can do is try our best -- and live for the greater glory of God. Amen.
That. That right there. I had to reread it. I have never been told anything like that about myself before. It was everything in others that I admired, but never ever saw within myself. I literally got down on my knees and thanked God for working in me. For opening my heart to receive Him. For opening the eyes and hearts of others to let Him work in their lives. For allowing me to be the tool that He is using to bring others closer to Him. How beautiful!
It has been through God's grace alone (which includes all of you wonderful people in my life offering encouragement and support) that I have been able to keep my faith, hope, and trust in Him. I know I will have moments of weakness. I know I will have moments where I am just human. I know there will be short comings, and many, many other things. I am by no means perfect. I am human. I cannot live up to any standards that anyone has set for me, because in all honesty, I strive to live up to God's standards. I fall short of His glory. I am selfish and want what I want despite God telling me no. I sin and can be stubborn. But God loves me anyway.
As I said to my dear friend (still the same one I have been quoting): "I am tring to stay positive. I know there will be moments of weakness, but it is in those moments that God is working in me and making me stronger."
Her reply... so simple, so sweet, so true:
"I totally understand. (: I know that you'll be able to get through everything, and come out better than you were before."
With God's grace alone, I can fulfill the perfect plan He has for me. I know He has something wonderful in store for me. I pray that God continues to grant me patience. And that He continues to bless me with such amazing people in my life. You are all such a joy to have in my life. You are all such an enormous blessing to me. A bigger blessing than any one of you will ever know. I cherish you all and pray that you grow closer to God and seek first and foremost the kingdom of God. None of us are perfect. All we can do is try our best -- and live for the greater glory of God. Amen.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
It starts with good bye ... (sorta)
Good byes. The majority of the time they are disliked, hated, dreaded, feared, and sometimes even avoided altogether. There is a desire to hold onto the past, a longing for what was once had and a wish to have it all back. Unfortunately, life does not always, if ever, work out exactly as it is humanly planned.
Last night I said good bye to one of my nearest, dearest, bestest friends ever. This has been the first person I have gone to with with everything and anything -the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.
Saying good bye has opened new doors, not just for me, but for said individual. As much as it hurts. As hard as it was to say the words. As hard as it was to part ways.... How much I longed to hang on. How much I struggled with letting go. For the past several weeks I was hoping and praying that this feeling would just go away and that a good bye would not be necessary. But without good bye, there would still be selfishness and a hanging onto something that God is still working on perfecting for me. There would not have been a surrender of my own will. I would not be doing what God was calling me to do, but waiting in vain for my own selfish desires to be fulfilled. How happy would I be then? I had to listen to God and take a step of faith.
For so long I have been praying "to be taken out side my comfort zone and to take steps of faith into the unknown." Wow. I get chills as I write that. That is exactly what happened this morning at midnight. I was definitely not in my comfort zone. It took great faith and courage to part ways. If I could have avoided it, I would have.
I cannot let it consume me. I cannot regret what needed to be done. It is all a part of God's Master Plan for my life! One day this will all make semi-perfect since to me. I will look back on this and see just how important it was for my growth.
I thank God for the patient understanding heart that received me. Everything about it just proved God's Hand at work -- again. Even during fits of stubbornness, I was still received so gracefully and beautifully.
Is this good bye forever, or is it just a "until I see you next time?" I really don't know. I would love it to be the latter of the two, but I take comfort that God is breaking this situation and rebuilding it into something beautiful that only He can imagine.
Often times I can be just that stubborn and move forward, but with God's good grace, He is slowly but surely breaking that heart of stone and making it a heart of flesh. I am ever so thankful for that!
The past 6 months so many walls have been torn down. So many old woulds have been treated and are well on their way to being fully healed. I have a new hope... or just hope in general. I am happier. I have God. God is so ever present in my life! People have entered my life and are inspiring me in so many ways unimaginable!
Currently, this good bye hurts. There is much pain. But there is hope. So much hope. There is no need to dwell on the pain. There is freedom found in Christ.
So, here is to wherever the Good Lord is taking me and you. Here is to happy times together. Sad times together. All the inbetween times. Here's to inside jokes and laughing for absolutely no apparent reason except that you are you and I am me. Here's to long, late night conversations. Here's to the acceptance of each other with no expectation to fit into a mold. Here's to discovering what love can be. Here's to building a solid foundation on Christ that will be so super beneficial in the future. Here's to dancing in the rain and knowing God is holding us in the palm of His hands. Here's to learning about ourselves. Here's to seeking first and foremost the kingdom of God and seeing where God is, has and will, take us and leaving it all in His able hands-even when it is not what we would like. Here is to everything you are, and everything you long to be. Here's to something beautiful.... beautiful beyond words.
I thank God for all that He has done. I thank God for the wonderful gift that you have been, are, and continue to be. Wherever road He leads us down. You will always have a place in my heart. So this is good bye .... sorta.
Then I had an after-thought.
It has dawned on me .... this cannot be good bye forever! There is a poke war to be won!
Last night I said good bye to one of my nearest, dearest, bestest friends ever. This has been the first person I have gone to with with everything and anything -the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.
Saying good bye has opened new doors, not just for me, but for said individual. As much as it hurts. As hard as it was to say the words. As hard as it was to part ways.... How much I longed to hang on. How much I struggled with letting go. For the past several weeks I was hoping and praying that this feeling would just go away and that a good bye would not be necessary. But without good bye, there would still be selfishness and a hanging onto something that God is still working on perfecting for me. There would not have been a surrender of my own will. I would not be doing what God was calling me to do, but waiting in vain for my own selfish desires to be fulfilled. How happy would I be then? I had to listen to God and take a step of faith.
For so long I have been praying "to be taken out side my comfort zone and to take steps of faith into the unknown." Wow. I get chills as I write that. That is exactly what happened this morning at midnight. I was definitely not in my comfort zone. It took great faith and courage to part ways. If I could have avoided it, I would have.
I cannot let it consume me. I cannot regret what needed to be done. It is all a part of God's Master Plan for my life! One day this will all make semi-perfect since to me. I will look back on this and see just how important it was for my growth.
I thank God for the patient understanding heart that received me. Everything about it just proved God's Hand at work -- again. Even during fits of stubbornness, I was still received so gracefully and beautifully.
Is this good bye forever, or is it just a "until I see you next time?" I really don't know. I would love it to be the latter of the two, but I take comfort that God is breaking this situation and rebuilding it into something beautiful that only He can imagine.
Often times I can be just that stubborn and move forward, but with God's good grace, He is slowly but surely breaking that heart of stone and making it a heart of flesh. I am ever so thankful for that!
The past 6 months so many walls have been torn down. So many old woulds have been treated and are well on their way to being fully healed. I have a new hope... or just hope in general. I am happier. I have God. God is so ever present in my life! People have entered my life and are inspiring me in so many ways unimaginable!
Currently, this good bye hurts. There is much pain. But there is hope. So much hope. There is no need to dwell on the pain. There is freedom found in Christ.
So, here is to wherever the Good Lord is taking me and you. Here is to happy times together. Sad times together. All the inbetween times. Here's to inside jokes and laughing for absolutely no apparent reason except that you are you and I am me. Here's to long, late night conversations. Here's to the acceptance of each other with no expectation to fit into a mold. Here's to discovering what love can be. Here's to building a solid foundation on Christ that will be so super beneficial in the future. Here's to dancing in the rain and knowing God is holding us in the palm of His hands. Here's to learning about ourselves. Here's to seeking first and foremost the kingdom of God and seeing where God is, has and will, take us and leaving it all in His able hands-even when it is not what we would like. Here is to everything you are, and everything you long to be. Here's to something beautiful.... beautiful beyond words.
I thank God for all that He has done. I thank God for the wonderful gift that you have been, are, and continue to be. Wherever road He leads us down. You will always have a place in my heart. So this is good bye .... sorta.
Then I had an after-thought.
It has dawned on me .... this cannot be good bye forever! There is a poke war to be won!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Thanksgiving may be over, but giving thanks is all year 'round.
Last night I was talking to a dear friend and just right in the middle of a light-hearted conversation, I stopped and said that I needed to take the time to thank God for how wonderfully indeed He has been blessing me and continues to bless me.
There is much in my life that I could do without. There are many things that are only a convenience. There are so many small things that I could take for granted. But no, I want to thank God for every single thing. Everything, no matter how big or how small, comes from Him above.
I have been blessed so richly with what I have and I want to appreciate it all and know that it comes from the good Lord above!
I have been blessed with a loving dad who helps me out in every way he can. I appreciate this, and while it would be easy to take advantage of him and mooch off from him, that is not the right thing to do. My dad is great and I thank God for working in our relationship and helping us to reconnect and build a bond that we never had.
Talking with a wonderful friend today, it occurred to me, yet again, just how much I have grown over the past year and a half.
Living with my dad has taught me much and helped me grow in ways unimaginable.
I remember my mom telling me as a young child that I will appreciate my things better once I am older and actually have to pay for them. I believed this to be true, but it is one of those things that is never fully understood until it is actually experienced. An example being: Since I am the one who does the majority of the baking in the house, I have bought many of the mixing bowls, glass baking ware as well as other odds and ends. I certainly do appreciate them, and thank God that I was able to contribute in that way (as my dad gets to enjoy the nomminess of what is make in and with these things!).
I have a very unique situation. I can honestly say that I never imagined that my life would be like it is today. I have been through some rather trying situations and made quite poor, stupid decisions, but all in all, every circumstance has shaped me into whom I am today. While I am not proud of many choices and certainly do not brag about them, I accept that they are a part of me and that I have grown from them and they help form me as I continue on this walk called life!
So many people have entered my life whom I am thankful for! It does my heart good to run into a friend at school and be greeted with a warm smile and tight hug! There is such joy is meeting a friend for coffee or lunch on set days of the week and just being able to be me and grow together as women of God! I have been introduced to theater productions and have since fallen in love with watching these people on stage, then followed by a late night dinner (or breakfast) at IHOP where we just enjoy each others company and spend quality time together! Having people whom I can turn to with just about any problem that life is throwing my way. People to turn to to pray together, to seek God together, to just enjoy life, seeking to do the will of God in all things!
Six months ago I never imagined my life would look like this. I am deeply amazed at where God has led me. He still continues to lead me, and for that I am forever grateful!
What a blessing it is to wake up each morning and take in all of God's goodness!
I pray that the veil be lifted from my eyes and that God's glory shines forth from everything and that I acknowledge Him in it all! I pray that Christ's light radiates from within me and that I can be a source of light, comfort, strength, etc., to everyone I meet. But not because of my own strength, but only because of God's strength within me. I pray that God continues to work through me and that through me, others come to know, love, and serve Christ here on earth, ultimately achieving eternal life in Heaven with our Father.
There is much in my life that I could do without. There are many things that are only a convenience. There are so many small things that I could take for granted. But no, I want to thank God for every single thing. Everything, no matter how big or how small, comes from Him above.
I have been blessed so richly with what I have and I want to appreciate it all and know that it comes from the good Lord above!
I have been blessed with a loving dad who helps me out in every way he can. I appreciate this, and while it would be easy to take advantage of him and mooch off from him, that is not the right thing to do. My dad is great and I thank God for working in our relationship and helping us to reconnect and build a bond that we never had.
Talking with a wonderful friend today, it occurred to me, yet again, just how much I have grown over the past year and a half.
Living with my dad has taught me much and helped me grow in ways unimaginable.
I remember my mom telling me as a young child that I will appreciate my things better once I am older and actually have to pay for them. I believed this to be true, but it is one of those things that is never fully understood until it is actually experienced. An example being: Since I am the one who does the majority of the baking in the house, I have bought many of the mixing bowls, glass baking ware as well as other odds and ends. I certainly do appreciate them, and thank God that I was able to contribute in that way (as my dad gets to enjoy the nomminess of what is make in and with these things!).
I have a very unique situation. I can honestly say that I never imagined that my life would be like it is today. I have been through some rather trying situations and made quite poor, stupid decisions, but all in all, every circumstance has shaped me into whom I am today. While I am not proud of many choices and certainly do not brag about them, I accept that they are a part of me and that I have grown from them and they help form me as I continue on this walk called life!
So many people have entered my life whom I am thankful for! It does my heart good to run into a friend at school and be greeted with a warm smile and tight hug! There is such joy is meeting a friend for coffee or lunch on set days of the week and just being able to be me and grow together as women of God! I have been introduced to theater productions and have since fallen in love with watching these people on stage, then followed by a late night dinner (or breakfast) at IHOP where we just enjoy each others company and spend quality time together! Having people whom I can turn to with just about any problem that life is throwing my way. People to turn to to pray together, to seek God together, to just enjoy life, seeking to do the will of God in all things!
Six months ago I never imagined my life would look like this. I am deeply amazed at where God has led me. He still continues to lead me, and for that I am forever grateful!
What a blessing it is to wake up each morning and take in all of God's goodness!
I pray that the veil be lifted from my eyes and that God's glory shines forth from everything and that I acknowledge Him in it all! I pray that Christ's light radiates from within me and that I can be a source of light, comfort, strength, etc., to everyone I meet. But not because of my own strength, but only because of God's strength within me. I pray that God continues to work through me and that through me, others come to know, love, and serve Christ here on earth, ultimately achieving eternal life in Heaven with our Father.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:33-34).
Friday, December 2, 2011
Keep Believing!
While yesterday, I turned on the radio and began searching for a station that I could tune into (seeing as I was about 75 miles out from my familiar radio stations).
So, the first thing that I actually came to was Journey's Don't Stop Believing (lyrics follow).
I have heard the song before, but have never actually taken the time to listen to it. Something about it inspired me and from then out I searched it on youtube and listened to it on repeat the entire way back into town.
While it is a good song with a good message (Don't stop believing), it is not really clear on what exactly it is that we don't stop believing... But to me, it just reinforced within to keep believing in God. To keep my focus on Him and continue to aspire to be great things--as long as it is what God Wills for me.
And oh how I did need to remember this today. This afternoon God took me and broke me down again to rebuild me into something beautiful. Amazing how I can look back on that and see God's hand in it. It certainly was not seen as it was happening. I asked God at one point just to take my burden from me, only to realize a short while later that He was using all that to strengthen my relationship with Him!
While life certainly is not going to be easy, I just need to remember to keep believing (in God!!!!!) and continue to surrender my will and do His will and live my life for Him. Amen!
Journey- Don't Stop Believing
Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
(Chorus)
Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night.
Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
(Chorus)
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people
So, the first thing that I actually came to was Journey's Don't Stop Believing (lyrics follow).
I have heard the song before, but have never actually taken the time to listen to it. Something about it inspired me and from then out I searched it on youtube and listened to it on repeat the entire way back into town.
While it is a good song with a good message (Don't stop believing), it is not really clear on what exactly it is that we don't stop believing... But to me, it just reinforced within to keep believing in God. To keep my focus on Him and continue to aspire to be great things--as long as it is what God Wills for me.
And oh how I did need to remember this today. This afternoon God took me and broke me down again to rebuild me into something beautiful. Amazing how I can look back on that and see God's hand in it. It certainly was not seen as it was happening. I asked God at one point just to take my burden from me, only to realize a short while later that He was using all that to strengthen my relationship with Him!
While life certainly is not going to be easy, I just need to remember to keep believing (in God!!!!!) and continue to surrender my will and do His will and live my life for Him. Amen!
Journey- Don't Stop Believing
Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
(Chorus)
Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night.
Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
(Chorus)
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people
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