It starts with good bye ... (sorta)

Good byes. The majority of the time they are disliked, hated, dreaded, feared, and sometimes even avoided altogether. There is a desire to hold onto the past, a longing for what was once had and a wish to have it all back. Unfortunately, life does not always, if ever, work out exactly as it is humanly planned.

Last night I said good bye to one of my nearest, dearest, bestest friends ever. This has been the first person I have gone to with with everything and anything -the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.

Saying good bye has opened new doors, not just for me, but for said individual. As much as it hurts. As hard as it was to say the words. As hard as it was to part ways.... How much I longed to hang on. How much I struggled with letting go. For the past several weeks I was hoping and praying that this feeling would just go away and that a good bye would not be necessary. But without good bye, there would still be selfishness and a hanging onto something that God is still working on perfecting for me. There would not have been a surrender of my own will. I would not be doing what God was calling me to do, but waiting in vain for my own selfish desires to be fulfilled. How happy would I be then? I had to listen to God and take a step of faith.

For so long I have been praying "to be taken out side my comfort zone and to take steps of faith into the unknown." Wow. I get chills as I write that. That is exactly what happened this morning at midnight. I was definitely not in my comfort zone. It took great faith and courage to part ways. If I could have avoided it, I would have.

I cannot let it consume me. I cannot regret what needed to be done. It is all a part of God's Master Plan for my life! One day this will all make semi-perfect since to me. I will look back on this and see just how important it was for my growth.

I thank God for the patient understanding heart that received me. Everything about it just proved God's Hand at work -- again. Even during fits of stubbornness, I was still received so gracefully and beautifully.

Is this good bye forever, or is it just a "until I see you next time?" I really don't know. I would love it to be the latter of the two, but I take comfort that God is breaking this situation and rebuilding it into something beautiful that only He can imagine.

Often times I can be just that stubborn and move forward, but with God's good grace, He is slowly but surely breaking that heart of stone and making it a heart of flesh. I am ever so thankful for that!

The past 6 months so many walls have been torn down. So many old woulds have been treated and are well on their way to being fully healed. I have a new hope... or just hope in general. I am happier. I have God. God is so ever present in my life! People have entered my life and are inspiring me in so many ways unimaginable!

Currently, this good bye hurts. There is much pain. But there is hope. So much hope. There is no need to dwell on the pain. There is freedom found in Christ.

So, here is to wherever the Good Lord is taking me and you. Here is to happy times together. Sad times together. All the inbetween times. Here's to inside jokes and laughing for absolutely no apparent reason except that you are you and I am me. Here's to long, late night conversations. Here's to the acceptance of each other with no expectation to fit into a mold. Here's to discovering what love can be. Here's to building a solid foundation on Christ that will be so super beneficial in the future. Here's to dancing in the rain and knowing God is holding us in the palm of His hands. Here's to learning about ourselves. Here's to seeking first and foremost the kingdom of God and seeing where God is, has and will, take us and leaving it all in His able hands-even when it is not what we would like. Here is to everything you are, and everything you long to be. Here's to something beautiful.... beautiful beyond words.

I thank God for all that He has done. I thank God for the wonderful gift that you have been, are, and continue to be. Wherever road He leads us down. You will always have a place in my heart. So this is good bye .... sorta.





Then I had an after-thought.

It has dawned on me .... this cannot be good bye forever! There is a poke war to be won!