Recently, many people have been telling me that I am an inspiration to them. I then ask myself, "well, isn't that what you wanted?" Yes, most certainly. I have often longed for people to look at me and want to live a better life for themselves. What makes this hard for me, is that I certainly feel far from able to inspire others. I feel as though my life is too much in shambles, that I am too confused, too far led astray for others to find God through me.
Many of these reasons that I have been told this, I have a hard time seeing what they see. "You have such a strong faith!" "You have such reliance on God!""You turn to God in your moments of weakness!" "You are so positive!" And the list goes on and on with what I have been told.
It does my heart good to hear these things! It makes my heart smile that I can be that image that people look up to. What I have to remember is not to let the ego in the way. I have to remember that God is granting me the graces to portray Him through me, in result leading others to Him. I feel quite honored that God is using me, and that because of Him, what I have longed for (to be a beacon of light, inspiring others to live a life for Christ), is becoming, is, a reality! While all of this is fine and dandy, it scares me.
It scares me to be a role model. I feel as though I have to be "perfect." I most certainly do NOT want to be put upon a pedestal (not that anyone is doing that, I am just saying). I am human. I am prone to sin. Faith and trust and hope should not be put in me, or any person for that matter. I will let you down -- guaranteed. Most certainly not intentional, but that is what happens when we loose our focus on God, and put it in man. When we have God as our center, people will come into our lives, people who challenge us, inspire us, provoke us, attempt to stray us. We have to hold fast to our beliefs in God. We have to hold strong to our faith, trust, and hope in God! God alone will and can and is helping us in our daily lives! Weather we admit it or not!
It has taken much for me to get where I am today. There was a time in my life where I looked up to everyone else. I had hope that humans could provide for my every need. I was inspired to live as other people did, wishing that I could have what they had. After going through a rather challenging time in my life, where I seriously had no clue who God was to me, God spoke to me. He introduced me to many, many people who live to glorify Him alone. It was after experiencing these refreshing moments that I gave my life over to Him. I realized that I needed to strive to live my own life; I needed to live my life for God, how HE wants me to live. No more living how someone else thinks I should live it. I realized that those things about others that inspired me, I could have for myself! There was no asking God, it was just a "God, You are now in control of my ship. You are in charge of my life. I am Yours and Yours alone. Please guide me to do as you want. Please help me to follow Your most Holy Will. Forever. Amen."
Does that make my life easy? Most certainly not! If anything, by professing that God is the God above all, my life has become much, much, much more challenging! Temptations in every direction attempt to sway me. People come into my life who attempt to pull me in a different direction. I find myself experiencing many life experiences that I never imagined that I would ever have to face! Turning to God has certainly not been easy. How many times have I called a friend, in absolute tears, saying that I didn't know where to turn, only for him or her to remind me to turn to God, encouraging me to open my Bible and read the Word of God. These are the people who have brought great joy into my life. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. Without them, I wouldn't be the inspiration that I am to so many others. God has placed all of these people in my life for a reason. While the big picture is not clear to me, I know that the main reason I have met everyone that I have is to do one thing alone: To give God the honor, glory and praise that belongs to Him above all things!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
No Strings Attached, Part I
What is Love? Well, the Bible defines it as:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (Corinthians 13:4-7)
Lately, I have been having struggles with people. Many times I tell people that I love them. And whilest this is true, it is certainly no where near "unconditional love" ... yet. Then there is acceptance. Sometimes it is hard for me to accept someone for who they are; it seems that "if only they did this or that" then I could accept them. It gets frustrating, because my head gets that that is not right! There is such that battle between the head and the heart ...
At times I get so wrapped up that I forget to notice the "big picture." I forget to remember that God is love. That God accepts me for me. That He love me for me. If God can accept so and so for who they are, then most certainly I can accept them too! There shouldn't be any judgment. Everyone should be accepted equally!
One of my biggest struggles is letting go. Letting go of past hurts and wrong doings. Again, my head gets that there should be no grudges, but allows it anyways.
I am giving everything, my all, to God, my Heavenly Father. I am weak and need to rely on Him for strength. Thru Him I have lasting friendships and relationships. Everyone is equal. Everyone is treated fairly, with the respect that is due to him/her. We are all children of God, brothers and sisters in Christ! It is about time that I start acting as one. I can proclaim with my mouth all the right things, but it does no good to not supplement those words with actions! Positive actions, God willed actions! Actions that are holy and pleasing to God!
Instead of just saying how I want my life to be, I am handing it all over to God. He is the captain of my ship. He is the one who guides me. He is my source of all good! I turn to Him to help me and guide me. To bring me closer to Him. Whatever I face throughout the day, I can be rest assured that God is right there the entire way, helping me along.
With His help and grace, I have that unconditional love that He wills for me to have towards my brothers and sisters in Christ! Amen.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (Corinthians 13:4-7)
Lately, I have been having struggles with people. Many times I tell people that I love them. And whilest this is true, it is certainly no where near "unconditional love" ... yet. Then there is acceptance. Sometimes it is hard for me to accept someone for who they are; it seems that "if only they did this or that" then I could accept them. It gets frustrating, because my head gets that that is not right! There is such that battle between the head and the heart ...
At times I get so wrapped up that I forget to notice the "big picture." I forget to remember that God is love. That God accepts me for me. That He love me for me. If God can accept so and so for who they are, then most certainly I can accept them too! There shouldn't be any judgment. Everyone should be accepted equally!
One of my biggest struggles is letting go. Letting go of past hurts and wrong doings. Again, my head gets that there should be no grudges, but allows it anyways.
I am giving everything, my all, to God, my Heavenly Father. I am weak and need to rely on Him for strength. Thru Him I have lasting friendships and relationships. Everyone is equal. Everyone is treated fairly, with the respect that is due to him/her. We are all children of God, brothers and sisters in Christ! It is about time that I start acting as one. I can proclaim with my mouth all the right things, but it does no good to not supplement those words with actions! Positive actions, God willed actions! Actions that are holy and pleasing to God!
Instead of just saying how I want my life to be, I am handing it all over to God. He is the captain of my ship. He is the one who guides me. He is my source of all good! I turn to Him to help me and guide me. To bring me closer to Him. Whatever I face throughout the day, I can be rest assured that God is right there the entire way, helping me along.
With His help and grace, I have that unconditional love that He wills for me to have towards my brothers and sisters in Christ! Amen.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
It is all part of it ...
Finally, a moment to sit down and write, where I am actually taking advantage (being thankful for) of this moment to write!!
Life has appeared to be crazy busy hectic in this world of mine.
Fall semester for college is fast approaching. 19 days off from any kind of school is certainly not what I consider a "summer break," but I am just thankful for any period of time off from school to "recuperate!" Especially considering that I am taking on 15 credits!
There is so much that I want to say, so much that could be said, bu now that I am actually in the spot to write, there is a severe case of writers block here!!
So, this is just a way to ease myself back into the habit of blogging. A little bit at a time. I sometimes feel that my blog needs to follow a theme. One day at a time though!!
Life has appeared to be crazy busy hectic in this world of mine.
Fall semester for college is fast approaching. 19 days off from any kind of school is certainly not what I consider a "summer break," but I am just thankful for any period of time off from school to "recuperate!" Especially considering that I am taking on 15 credits!
There is so much that I want to say, so much that could be said, bu now that I am actually in the spot to write, there is a severe case of writers block here!!
So, this is just a way to ease myself back into the habit of blogging. A little bit at a time. I sometimes feel that my blog needs to follow a theme. One day at a time though!!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's not all about me
Nope. Nothing in life is about me. Not one single thing. We often think that we are so deserving and that certain things are owed to us. In all reality, life is all for God. We are put here on earth to live for God, to honor, love, serve, glorify Him alone! Too often then not, I find myself doing things to get attention from others, to be appreciated by others, to be recognized. Seriously though, when I do things for God, because of God, with God as my witness, He sees, He recognizes, He appreciates. God knows the motives of the heart. He knows why I do what I do, and why I do what I do when I do them.
My goal in life is to have a strong foundation in Christ and that my life revolves around God. Too many times I get carried away in the drama of life, and loose my focus on God.
Lately, I have realized on a deeper level of what it means to "Let go, and let God." As I make all these new connections with so many new wonderful people, my mind questions at what pace do we go? How long should we know each other before ... this, this and this? There is no time line. At least no earthly one. There is no book of "wait this long before you do .. this, this or this." The key is prayer. Pray that God's Will be done, that every action taken is holy and pleasing to Him. I pray that God will unveil every step to take and that my eyes, ears, heart, and mind are open to Him. My physical self wants all of the answers now. I want to know where my future is headed. I want to know what everyone in my life is for. I want to know what lessons need to be learned and if there are bigger reasons that certain people are in my life. Then I have to remember to have patience! I have to remember that God is in control. He places all of these people in my life for a reason, whatever that reason may be, I can be rest assured that He, above all, knows!
About a week ago, I was struggling very much with earthly time versus God's time. My heart was hurting for answers! I was in tears as to why what I wanted was not what was happening. Very subtly, but crystal clear, God spoke to me. It was like night and day. At least as humanly possible, I understood what it meant to leave it in God's hands and know that by leaving it in His hands, he was working on creating something beautiful. While tonight I still do not have "my way," I realize that my way doesn't matter -- it is all about God's Way. I have experienced several things to believe that when it is left to God, something much, much, much more beautiful will come out of it then if it were left to me.
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:2
My goal in life is to have a strong foundation in Christ and that my life revolves around God. Too many times I get carried away in the drama of life, and loose my focus on God.
Lately, I have realized on a deeper level of what it means to "Let go, and let God." As I make all these new connections with so many new wonderful people, my mind questions at what pace do we go? How long should we know each other before ... this, this and this? There is no time line. At least no earthly one. There is no book of "wait this long before you do .. this, this or this." The key is prayer. Pray that God's Will be done, that every action taken is holy and pleasing to Him. I pray that God will unveil every step to take and that my eyes, ears, heart, and mind are open to Him. My physical self wants all of the answers now. I want to know where my future is headed. I want to know what everyone in my life is for. I want to know what lessons need to be learned and if there are bigger reasons that certain people are in my life. Then I have to remember to have patience! I have to remember that God is in control. He places all of these people in my life for a reason, whatever that reason may be, I can be rest assured that He, above all, knows!
About a week ago, I was struggling very much with earthly time versus God's time. My heart was hurting for answers! I was in tears as to why what I wanted was not what was happening. Very subtly, but crystal clear, God spoke to me. It was like night and day. At least as humanly possible, I understood what it meant to leave it in God's hands and know that by leaving it in His hands, he was working on creating something beautiful. While tonight I still do not have "my way," I realize that my way doesn't matter -- it is all about God's Way. I have experienced several things to believe that when it is left to God, something much, much, much more beautiful will come out of it then if it were left to me.
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:2
Monday, August 8, 2011
Action speak louder then words; be yourself!
I have often heard that someone can put on a fake personality for up to 3 to 6 months. Typically beyond that, true colors start to show through, and what one once said they were, actions now prove either to be true, or false.
Why be fake? Why pretend to be something you are not, when in the long run, it is not beneficial--to anyone? Why go after something or someone, with ill-intentions, only after so long be turned down and labeled as untrustworthy? Why be something or someone that someone else believes you should be? Why make it more complicated then need be?
To put it simply, why not live the life that God intended you to live? Why not be the you that God created? Only you can be yourself, no one else can do it for you. You cannot fully please anyone by being what they think you should be. If you allow someone else to dictate how you live your life, that person is only going to find more and more fault with you and strive to turn you into what they think will make them happy.
I want to be me. I want to live my life in accordance with God's most holy will. I want to be honest and trustworthy, true to my word. God is the center of all happiness. I strive to please God, not people. I help people and care about them, in God's holy name. Everything I do, I do it for God. It serves no purpose to be fake and pretend to be someone else just so people like me. God will help place those people in my life who will accept me for me. He will also place those people in my life who will challenge me to be a better me; people who will help bring me closer to Him. He will also place those people in my life who challenge me and test my faith. But if I am me, when those trials arise, I will turn to God for help and strength.
While I am not perfect and never will be, I take comfort in the fact that I strive to live my life according to God's plan. What is God's plan for my life? Only He knows. I pray that He revels His plan to me, step by step, and holds my hand and guides me every step of the way. I certainly cannot please everyone, but those people that God wills in my life, He will give them the graces to accept me for me, or bless them with a tongue to penetrate my stubborn heart and guide me more and more to Him.
God has certainly been ever-present in my life. I pray to Him that I become the person that He wants me to be. I want to be real. I want to be true. I want to live my life for God and Jesus. Through Him all things are possible.
"in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:6
Why be fake? Why pretend to be something you are not, when in the long run, it is not beneficial--to anyone? Why go after something or someone, with ill-intentions, only after so long be turned down and labeled as untrustworthy? Why be something or someone that someone else believes you should be? Why make it more complicated then need be?
To put it simply, why not live the life that God intended you to live? Why not be the you that God created? Only you can be yourself, no one else can do it for you. You cannot fully please anyone by being what they think you should be. If you allow someone else to dictate how you live your life, that person is only going to find more and more fault with you and strive to turn you into what they think will make them happy.
I want to be me. I want to live my life in accordance with God's most holy will. I want to be honest and trustworthy, true to my word. God is the center of all happiness. I strive to please God, not people. I help people and care about them, in God's holy name. Everything I do, I do it for God. It serves no purpose to be fake and pretend to be someone else just so people like me. God will help place those people in my life who will accept me for me. He will also place those people in my life who will challenge me to be a better me; people who will help bring me closer to Him. He will also place those people in my life who challenge me and test my faith. But if I am me, when those trials arise, I will turn to God for help and strength.
While I am not perfect and never will be, I take comfort in the fact that I strive to live my life according to God's plan. What is God's plan for my life? Only He knows. I pray that He revels His plan to me, step by step, and holds my hand and guides me every step of the way. I certainly cannot please everyone, but those people that God wills in my life, He will give them the graces to accept me for me, or bless them with a tongue to penetrate my stubborn heart and guide me more and more to Him.
God has certainly been ever-present in my life. I pray to Him that I become the person that He wants me to be. I want to be real. I want to be true. I want to live my life for God and Jesus. Through Him all things are possible.
"in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:6
Sunday, August 7, 2011
What could be more wonderful ...
Yesterday was yet another wonderful, wonderful day!
I have an amazing friend that I went to visit. I thank God that it all worked out how it did. We certainly could not have planned it any better; the plans that were originally set, were certainly not the plans that God had in store for us. Though with that sole reliance on God, and with the knowledge that He is in control, we managed to keep positive attitudes and go with the flow for what the evening held. What an incredible way to spend the evening by reading the Bible, having long talks, walking to the store for icecream, renting a movie, then standing out on the balcony underneath the stars!
As I get to know this person more and more, I feel more and more blessed. There are no words to explain the feelings that go along with spending time with this person. Every time I have left, I have felt such an uplifting, powerful, freeing feeling -- to name a few. Not only is there a smile on my face, but a smile on my heart as well! Never have I ever had that experience before! It would be far to easy to place all the credit on this special individual, but I know that the credit goes to God.
I can see God working in this person. I can see his sole reliance on God, his drive to have God in his life, his determination to have Christ as his rock, foundation and cornerstone! Overall he is an inspiration to be around!
While with him yesterday, I experienced something beautiful. While it did not start out that way, it certainly ended that way, and I am ever so thankful for it! Through our long, deep conversations, I felt as though we were not going anywhere. There was much talk, but no answers and no solutions. I was getting frustrated. My mind then got the attitude that if there were not going to be any answers to my many questions, then I was going to leave-there was no point in sticking around. I knew this was not right! Communication, communication, communication! So I headed to the bathroom. Sitting there on the edge of the tub, I began crying. I begged God to take my stubborn heart, to take it away and break it down. I did not, do not need it. I sat there for prolly a good 5 minutes before a huge wave of peace came over me. I could feel God's presence. I dried my eyes, then headed back out to the couch. I went back out to do what we intended to do to begin with. We opened the Bible and read the first chapter of Thessalonians. Then talked on that for a good while.
As the night continued on, we continued to talk about goals, dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes, and the such.
If only today had gone as exceptionally well... Today has been a wonderful day, but not nearly as uplifting as yesterday. It is days like today that make me realize just how much I need God in my life, and just how weak I am without Him. No person can fill that void that only God can. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I think that I can make myself happy, or if only this would happen, or if I could only have that or if so and so would say, do, act in a certain way, then all would be good. How mistaken can I be? With God's grace, all of those things will bring the temporary joy and the such that comes with it, but only through God, because of God will the desires of my heart be fulfilled!
I have so many blessings to be thankful for! More and more lately, I have been getting down on my knees out of pure thanksgiving. More and more tears have been shed out of pure joy! My heart almost forever wears a smile now! God has guided me to those people who uplift me, who bring me closer to Him, to those people my heart has been longing for for many, many years now!
As I grow closer to these special people, I offer a prayer that these friendships and relationships are pleasing to God, that we continue to grow together in holiness and grace, that God looks upon us and smiles.
While words are few, God certainly knows what is in the deepest silent places of my heart. And you can be certain that God is looking out for all of you and holding you close to Him.
I love you all and care about you deeply!
"God does not see the same way people see. People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
I have an amazing friend that I went to visit. I thank God that it all worked out how it did. We certainly could not have planned it any better; the plans that were originally set, were certainly not the plans that God had in store for us. Though with that sole reliance on God, and with the knowledge that He is in control, we managed to keep positive attitudes and go with the flow for what the evening held. What an incredible way to spend the evening by reading the Bible, having long talks, walking to the store for icecream, renting a movie, then standing out on the balcony underneath the stars!
As I get to know this person more and more, I feel more and more blessed. There are no words to explain the feelings that go along with spending time with this person. Every time I have left, I have felt such an uplifting, powerful, freeing feeling -- to name a few. Not only is there a smile on my face, but a smile on my heart as well! Never have I ever had that experience before! It would be far to easy to place all the credit on this special individual, but I know that the credit goes to God.
I can see God working in this person. I can see his sole reliance on God, his drive to have God in his life, his determination to have Christ as his rock, foundation and cornerstone! Overall he is an inspiration to be around!
While with him yesterday, I experienced something beautiful. While it did not start out that way, it certainly ended that way, and I am ever so thankful for it! Through our long, deep conversations, I felt as though we were not going anywhere. There was much talk, but no answers and no solutions. I was getting frustrated. My mind then got the attitude that if there were not going to be any answers to my many questions, then I was going to leave-there was no point in sticking around. I knew this was not right! Communication, communication, communication! So I headed to the bathroom. Sitting there on the edge of the tub, I began crying. I begged God to take my stubborn heart, to take it away and break it down. I did not, do not need it. I sat there for prolly a good 5 minutes before a huge wave of peace came over me. I could feel God's presence. I dried my eyes, then headed back out to the couch. I went back out to do what we intended to do to begin with. We opened the Bible and read the first chapter of Thessalonians. Then talked on that for a good while.
As the night continued on, we continued to talk about goals, dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes, and the such.
If only today had gone as exceptionally well... Today has been a wonderful day, but not nearly as uplifting as yesterday. It is days like today that make me realize just how much I need God in my life, and just how weak I am without Him. No person can fill that void that only God can. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I think that I can make myself happy, or if only this would happen, or if I could only have that or if so and so would say, do, act in a certain way, then all would be good. How mistaken can I be? With God's grace, all of those things will bring the temporary joy and the such that comes with it, but only through God, because of God will the desires of my heart be fulfilled!
I have so many blessings to be thankful for! More and more lately, I have been getting down on my knees out of pure thanksgiving. More and more tears have been shed out of pure joy! My heart almost forever wears a smile now! God has guided me to those people who uplift me, who bring me closer to Him, to those people my heart has been longing for for many, many years now!
As I grow closer to these special people, I offer a prayer that these friendships and relationships are pleasing to God, that we continue to grow together in holiness and grace, that God looks upon us and smiles.
While words are few, God certainly knows what is in the deepest silent places of my heart. And you can be certain that God is looking out for all of you and holding you close to Him.
I love you all and care about you deeply!
"God does not see the same way people see. People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
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