Recently, many people have been telling me that I am an inspiration to them. I then ask myself, "well, isn't that what you wanted?" Yes, most certainly. I have often longed for people to look at me and want to live a better life for themselves. What makes this hard for me, is that I certainly feel far from able to inspire others. I feel as though my life is too much in shambles, that I am too confused, too far led astray for others to find God through me.
Many of these reasons that I have been told this, I have a hard time seeing what they see. "You have such a strong faith!" "You have such reliance on God!""You turn to God in your moments of weakness!" "You are so positive!" And the list goes on and on with what I have been told.
It does my heart good to hear these things! It makes my heart smile that I can be that image that people look up to. What I have to remember is not to let the ego in the way. I have to remember that God is granting me the graces to portray Him through me, in result leading others to Him. I feel quite honored that God is using me, and that because of Him, what I have longed for (to be a beacon of light, inspiring others to live a life for Christ), is becoming, is, a reality! While all of this is fine and dandy, it scares me.
It scares me to be a role model. I feel as though I have to be "perfect." I most certainly do NOT want to be put upon a pedestal (not that anyone is doing that, I am just saying). I am human. I am prone to sin. Faith and trust and hope should not be put in me, or any person for that matter. I will let you down -- guaranteed. Most certainly not intentional, but that is what happens when we loose our focus on God, and put it in man. When we have God as our center, people will come into our lives, people who challenge us, inspire us, provoke us, attempt to stray us. We have to hold fast to our beliefs in God. We have to hold strong to our faith, trust, and hope in God! God alone will and can and is helping us in our daily lives! Weather we admit it or not!
It has taken much for me to get where I am today. There was a time in my life where I looked up to everyone else. I had hope that humans could provide for my every need. I was inspired to live as other people did, wishing that I could have what they had. After going through a rather challenging time in my life, where I seriously had no clue who God was to me, God spoke to me. He introduced me to many, many people who live to glorify Him alone. It was after experiencing these refreshing moments that I gave my life over to Him. I realized that I needed to strive to live my own life; I needed to live my life for God, how HE wants me to live. No more living how someone else thinks I should live it. I realized that those things about others that inspired me, I could have for myself! There was no asking God, it was just a "God, You are now in control of my ship. You are in charge of my life. I am Yours and Yours alone. Please guide me to do as you want. Please help me to follow Your most Holy Will. Forever. Amen."
Does that make my life easy? Most certainly not! If anything, by professing that God is the God above all, my life has become much, much, much more challenging! Temptations in every direction attempt to sway me. People come into my life who attempt to pull me in a different direction. I find myself experiencing many life experiences that I never imagined that I would ever have to face! Turning to God has certainly not been easy. How many times have I called a friend, in absolute tears, saying that I didn't know where to turn, only for him or her to remind me to turn to God, encouraging me to open my Bible and read the Word of God. These are the people who have brought great joy into my life. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. Without them, I wouldn't be the inspiration that I am to so many others. God has placed all of these people in my life for a reason. While the big picture is not clear to me, I know that the main reason I have met everyone that I have is to do one thing alone: To give God the honor, glory and praise that belongs to Him above all things!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
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