Remembering Nolan - A Rainy Day in May

A Rainy Day in May (A Tribute to Nolan Edward)

All day long with a steady rhythm,

The clouds released their precipitation.

A doctor’s appointment loomed in the distance

Which left me wondering with great anticipation.

Barely four months had passed since a terrible loss,

Where Baby June Rose went to heaven to be held.

The memories of that day loomed over my head,

Emotions and pain in my heart grew and they swelled.

Was the sky crying because it knew something I did not?

Were my fears unfounded and were they for naught?

I wanted answers, I wanted relief,

“Is my baby ok?” was my only rational thought.

A wait that felt like eternity, A nurse that eased all anxiety,

The doctor walked through the door and offered a scan.

As my baby’s perfect body appeared on the screen,

No life detected, no heartbeat seen, this was not the plan.

Silence echoed through the room,

Emotions running wild and free,

Orders placed for a second opinion,

“This cannot be real” was my plea.

A second scan showed the same results,

Measurements taken, and pictures printed.

Life stood still while

My baby’s image on my heart was imprinted.

Options discussed, and waiting was chosen,

It is Mother’s Day weekend,

There was so much happening,

Too much to comprehend.

Can I please just wake up and forget all this grief,

I am only sleeping, and this must be a dream!

Rise and awake for a new day is shining,

Life is not as I recall it, as it does seem.

My heart is so empty but not my womb,

I have some time left to honor and cherish the life within.

Although scans show that death has occurred,

From day one I loved the precious life that did begin.

Prayers for a miracle that my baby does live,

Hoping each day that no goodbye will be said.

My God is bigger than the results of any scan,

Understanding death does exist, tears are still shed.

I will cling to my God and be firmly upheld.

Regardless of outcome, my faith is still strong,

I do not know what the days ahead hold,

But I know who holds them and to whom I belong.

My baby is likely to be delivered sleeping,

And memories of him are mine worth keeping.

My child has been loved from the very start,

And eventually we will be together even if we must temporarily part.