Where are my Eyes?

Where are my eyes?  A question I ask my child multiple times a day.  As well as where are other parts of her body. 

What an end to 2020 and a start to 2021!  Only God.  Only God could have orchestrated the absolute beauty from the ashes that we have experienced. 

2020 ended with us finding out that another baby was onboard.  Pregnancy loss has been so prevalent in our lives.  I felt so much peace.  I felt that come this summer, we were going to be filled to the brim with baby diapers and teaching and raising babies.  We were so excited!  

Then mid January, I laid on the ultrasound table only to be told that baby's heart had recently stopped growing.  A second scan a week later confirmed this.  The miscarriage part was not awful, but postpartum has been absolutely incredibly difficult.  

We have been going to church where there has been a heavy focus on Philippians.  Reminders to forget the past and focus on the future - keeping our eyes on the prize of Christ Jesus!  Every Sunday, I wonder if I focus too much on our losses instead of our gains and what awaits us.  This last pregnancy, even if no one wanted to hear it, I shared that if we had this baby, it would be the longest stretch of time in our marriage without a loss (although we already were at that mark and made it 17 months with no losses!). 

I do not know for certain what the future holds.  I do know that I am going from glory to glory.  Even amidst the heartache and sorrow, God is here in my midst.  

Amazing things are in store for us.  God has shown up.  While I will forever carry my babies in my heart, I choose to keep my eyes ahead - on the prize of that which is Christ Jesus.