In the Hands of my Maker

"Lead me, Lord, lead me, Lord,
by the light of truth
to seek and to find the narrow way.
Be my way; be my truth;
be my life, my Lord,
and lead me, Lord, today."

If only I remembered these words daily, hourly, every second of every minute or every hour of every day. But I don't. I trust myself, rely on my own weakness and lead myself astray. Time, and time again.

Lately, I have been finding friendships, relationships, friends who are near and dear to me, drift away, drift apart. I seek, I strive, I put forth a grand effort to try to maintain these relationships, yet in the end, I am not anywhere to closer to where I was before. I try to fix these failing on my own. No words with God. No asking Him how to approach this. No asking Him to change my heart or shine light on myself in the areas where I fall short. No. Instead I jump in with both feet and make a bigger mess then what we started with.

"So much effort, so little out of it," I caught myself saying several days ago. "Can't I just stop being nice? Can't I just pick and choose a handful of people to be nice to and just ignore the rest of the world?" It was promptly followed by a "Yes! ... NO!!" Of course I cannot do that. A seething jealously has been brewing. A jealousy for all my task-oriented friends. Then came the "whys." Why cannot I be task oriented? Why cannot I just bury myself so much into the task at hand; it would certainly rid me of my procrastination." "I wouldn't be putting so much of myself out there and getting hurt" "Why, why, why...???"

During my morning commute the following couple of days, I was talking to God and mulling over these proud and un-God like thoughts that had popped into my head and words that were uttered from my lips.

One of my absolute favorite Bible verses is found in Revelations 3 verse 20. God ever so beautifully reminded me of it which provoked some deep thought and meditation. "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." It is Jesus, standing at the doors of our hearts, calling us my name. Never leaving. Waiting patiently. Constantly loving. I am called to love. I am called to love as Jesus (God) loves.

How many hearts are hardened to God's love for human kind?!? How many people openly turn their backs on Him? How many people have tasted His love and mercy but chose a different path. Yet He still stands at their hearts, calling their name; never giving up! Talk about a smack right in between the eyes! Who am I to think I can give up on being nice? Who am I to pick and choose a few choice people and love them and show them Christ's love only? That is certainly not a Christ-like love. Just as Christ loves all and never gives up, I, too, seek to love everyone as Christ loves. Even when it is challenging. Never giving up. 

I am whom God has made me to be. There is a mission that only I can fulfill. How often this is forgotten. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know the path God has willed for me.

Sit. Be still. Listen.

God is revealing to me little by little what He wants for me. What He wants to give me. It takes faith, trust, patience.

To be so utterly consumed by Him! To be so on fire for the Lord, burning, blazing with a fire so pure, so sweet, so glorious. The Holy Spirit dwelling inside me. No worry, doubt, question. Complete peace, joy, understanding. An innocent child-like faith. To forever be in the Hands of the Lord, My God. To bring the love of Christ to all whom I encounter. From work, to school to the streets, to the grocery store, I pray that it is Christ's image I bear, and not my own.

How often I will need to be reminded of this. How honored I am to have a gentle, loving and merciful God who has taken my hand and waits for me when I choose to let go when I become sidetracked or think I know the way better!

" Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end."


The journey is not easy, but the end result will be so worth it.