Heart on my Sleeve

There are those moments where I struggle and question who I am. I fight with who I was, who I have become, and who I want to be.


The constant fight between the heart, the head and the soul.


People from the outside look like they've got it going for them. It looks like they live a happy life with their marriage, their children, their parents, their friends, family, church, and job.


I know that I am good at "coming off OK." Only the people who really know me know when this façade is on. Only the people who are around me many hours a week know when I am not doing ok, but still may not know what is or has been going on.


Most of the time I don't even know what is going on until it hits me like a ton of bricks. Or there's the "straw that broke the camels back."


So much has been happening in the world around me. Not even in my life but I am sure feeling the weigh of it all! Things from a friend having cancer, to a friends uncle passing away from lymphoma, to a friend of a friend's baby being born with anencephaly. I don't "take on" any of these things, but they certainly weigh heavy on my heart. My heart breaks because our world is so broken and full of heartache.


Sometimes I just want to hole up in my own little corner of the world and not have to face what is out there.


If I feel this way ... how many out there in the real world also experience this? The outside may look picture perfect, but how is your heart? That is what I am after. That is what I long to know.


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It brings my heart such joy to see that through so much of the pain in the world, God has been glorified! I feel like if I were in the shoes of any one of the for mentioned people, my faith would falter. Perhaps theirs did too. I really don't know. I just know what is shared on blogs, facebook, or text messages.


I see how such pain and sorrow brings marriages closer, and makes friendships stronger, and how it allows for a channel for God's love to freely flow.


I pray that through all of life's ebbs and flows that I remain faithful and true to the only One who makes it all worth it.


In the midst of all the mess, God has a message.


The past few days have once again been eye opening and insightful into my very being. I see areas where I need the grace of God and His healing touch. I see areas where He has already healed me and blessed me beyond measure. I see a side by side of who I used to be and who I am today.


When the seas rage and the storm batters me around, Christ is my anchor. He is the one who I hold to and who keeps me steady.


As long as my heart beats and my lungs breath, this world will be fraught with trials, hurts, joys, laughter, tears and memories.


I want to steward all that I have been blessed with and use all that is within me to pour out into the lives around me.


God is my shield. God is my strength. God is my healer. God is my Father.


Victory belongs to the Lord.


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I pray for everyone effected by the pain of this world. I pray for comfort and peace. I pray that God uses these hardships as a lever to shift perspectives and open hearts. I pray that joy comes in the morning. I pray that people wouldn't feel the need to wear their happy face. I pray that people are free to express their love, hurt, pain, and joy. I pray that others have a desire to know the hearts of those around them.


I pray for a deeper unity. I pray for eyes and ears and hearts to be open to God's love and mercies. I pray that people unite as one and walk in faith and confidence taking their God-ordained place in the Body of Christ.


My prayer is that the world sees healing. I pray we start to build each other up and not tear each other down. I pray that through the pain of life, we can be the pillar for those weaker, so that they may grow stronger and hold us when the time comes.


May judgments and criticism pass away. Let all that is not from God pass away, making room for God to manifest His glories in the hearts of those who have accepted Him and those yet to accept Him.


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May I be a witness to the world that Jesus Christ is alive and lives in you and lives in me. Amen.