See Through Me

I have been re-reading many of my old posts. Facebook has this new memory flashback type of thing. I have it set to remind me to look at it, and I see that a lot of my past years were spent blogging and sharing and living my life out loud.



When did I become so quiet? We live in such a day and age where everyone is offended by everything. Has this mentality subtly, yet surely, crept into my way of thinking? Have I stopped sharing out of fear that someone will disagree?



Over the years I have become a homebody. A recluse, almost. I get burned out when I engage in too much social excitement. I like to sit and read. I enjoy knitting and watching Netflix. I sit upstairs in solitude.



Part of this behavior I associate with my job. I have constant human interaction. I was working a job in home health care where I worked with an introverted client and had next to 0 social interaction. I craved to get out. I would hardly be home. I was on the go on the go on the go constantly. Perhaps some growing up happened along the way too. I love people, don't get me wrong, but I'd rather be home with my mind absorbed in Blue Like Jazz or Think Differently, Lead Differently or one of the Hardy Boys Books.




Lately I have been behind the sewing machine again. I have long missed it. Back in 2003-2008, I was hardcore into sewing. I have brought sewing back into my own personal fashion, and have ben going crazy with the baby burp cloths.



Faith is more consistent and less of a roller coaster. I have made the Catholic church my home. I have been learning more about the riches it offers. There are still some hardcore beliefs and teachings that I am digging deeper into because there are so many conflicting and confusing teachings on the issues. The world around me has become so political. So many people fight politicians and Planned Parenthood.



The battle is far deeper than what our physical eyes see. The world fights a battle against the principalities of the dark world. Yes, I believe they are covered with words and actions such as abortion and homosexuality. Furthermore, I believe that these actions are a result, not the cause. God has painted a very clear picture, making it known to us that the enemy prowls around like a lion. The enemy's main goal is to seek, to kill and to destroy.

We see that in broken marriages, broken families, and broken relationships. I want to go back to living boldly for Christ. How did I get so stuck in a rut? When did I stop? When did my world change? The past 2-3 years have been filled with turning new leaves and starting new chapters.


God has been with me the entire time. I am so thankful for new dreams, and old dreams brought back into new light.

This past year has been one of the hardest years emotionally. I went through more trials in the past 12-17 months than I would wish upon anyone. This is my story, though. I was thinking recently that "if I knew then what I know now ..." kind of thoughts, and it dawned on me that I needed to live through what I have. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. This is part of my testimony. This is where I am in life. I would not know what I know now if I had an easy ride through life. Yes, others have experienced far more than me. Other's have been through gut-wrenching life trials. Other have been at the bottom. Other's have risen about it. This is the nature of our fallen world. I rejoice with the rejoicing. I mourn with those who mourn. May God shower His love and mercy on the world as we can get so lost and lose sight of faith. Amen.