Looking backwards

Everyone has their own story. Everyone is going to do what they are going to do. Everyone has a story that plays out in their own head. That story has been shaped by their world discoveries. Their hurts, joys, pains and sorrows all play into why a particular person does what they do, says what they say, and acts how they act.


Am I too quick to judge "Oh I would never do/say/etc., that!" Um. If I were in their shoes and had their backstory, can I honestly say that?


I come from a place where depression and anxiety ran rampant in my life. I let it control me. I could not escape it. I thought I tried, but all I was doing was living a mobile pity party where if you didn't join me, you were on the list.


Coming from that place, one may think I have compassion and empathy in excess. But I don't. I cannot stand it when someone allows their circumstances to define how they respond to a situation. When someone is depressed or anxious I really just want to grab them by their shoulders and shake them telling them to "get over it!"


Again, coming from that place, I know that does not, and will not work.


For a long time I thought "tough love" is what helped me overcome my own mental health. I was living in a situation where my tears were left to be caught only by my pillow. I tried so desperately to reach out for help. Unfortunately I was seeking help from people who did not know how to seek help or be helped themselves. I was emotionally "grabbed" and basically told that I needed to stop being "self-seeking." That is not something you ever say to someone without ample ground to stand on. The people this was coming from were fighting battles as big as mine.


If you are going to seek advice and counsel form someone with depression or anxiety, make sure they have their under control first.


After some time and a drastic change in my environment and seeking the people who were qualified to help me, I grew and overcame more then I ever envisioned for myself.


What helped? There wasn't just one thing. Or even a few things. It was a whole sequence of life events. I moved into a stable environment where I felt I was wanted. My every action wasn't questioned or challenged. I got plugged in with a social group my own age. I went to college and excelled. God found me and revealed Himself, revealing He left my side, not even once. I finally had friends.


The process was certainly not easy, but looking back at it, I needed it.


I have often heard people say "if I knew then what I know now..." and I think to myself that "if I knew then, what I know now" I would not change a thing. In some of those trying moments I gained perspective, persistence, patience, love, compassion, and an understanding that I would not have if it weren't for me living my life.


There is bit of wisdom in my short years that I pray I can pass on to those in need of it.


All in all, my story has shaped me. I am far from perfect, and I know my life isn't done yet. I have a role to play in this life yet.


And so do you.