Tonight I do not have many words for paper. The words of my heart cannot be written down. Many feels cannot be expressed in words, but must be felt with the heart. How true that has been lately. My heart aches to reach out and express itself. This past week has been a huge challenge for me. I have survived, but feel as though many things have not been dealt with. Feelings have been buried, or pushed aside. I have learned that when certain things are not dealt with, they keep surfacing until they are resolved.
Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a particular individual. It became evident that this person has little respect for themself, let alone others. Many of the comments that were made left me feeling put on the spot. Many of my answers were quite blunt, not well thought out, and sounded almost defensive. I beat myeslf up for not asking this person never to contact me again, but then also, I was pleased with myself for sticking up for my beliefs.
For quite awhile now, I had not established my own set of morals and values. I had the ones my mom raised me with, but after some time, I threw everything out the window. Being in this place now has really opened up my eyes to my own individual beliefs. Talking with this person showed me that I am slowly, but surely, laying my own foundation. And this foundation is in Christ.
Due to this lack of morals and values, it certainly began leading me astray. The devil sure provided temporary happiness and joy. Looking back, I can see that. In those moments, I was so blinded, and my conscience was so buried, but all was well--at least that is what I told myself.
How I look back now, how much I thank and praise God that He called me back, and I heard, before I was almost too far gone. How tempting it is to stray off the straight and narrow path.
I have been so incredibly blessed to be meeting such wonderful people. I know I say that all the time, but I can never thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed on me! It is starting to get to that stage of making the friendships last. I get to the point of being afraid of loosing the friendship, that that is eventually what happens. I don't want to pester, but neither do I want to ignore. It is all about finding a balance. The people I have met, and am meeting, are so wonderful and I want lasting friendships with them! What is the balance? Being open and honest with each other is a good first step. I love communication, but it certainly isn't a strong point. I am a firm believer that "if it is meant to happen, it will, and if it is not, then it won't" but then I was informed that even if something is meant to be, it can still be sabotaged. Confusion, confusion, confusion! And that is why I put my sole faith and trust in the Good Lord. He will guide me and help me follow His Will and lead me to His ultimate goal He has planned for my life.
While in these moments of sadness and pain, I have confidence in God. Confidence that He is the supreme being of all, and is watching over me and comforting me--even if I fail to ask Him to. He is my Father. I am ever so thankful and blessed to call myself a Daughter of God.
† God † I put all of my faith and trust in You. I know that You are taking care of me. All thru these trials, I turn to You. I love You.
"How Great Thou Art" Brings tears to my eyes. What an amazing God we have!
Stanza 1:
O Lord my God,
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all
The works Thy Hand hath made,
I see the stars,
I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy pow'r throughout
The universe displayed;
Stanza 2:
When through the woods
And forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze;
Refrain:
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Stanza 3:
When Christ shall come,
With shouts of acclamation,
And take me home,
What joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
And there proclaim,
"My God, how great Thou art!"
Refrain:
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
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